through all the hard times
by hpnutter
Summary: "Because although Katsuki is the one that fell, Deku is the one that's bleeding." Izuku is diagnosed with cancer. Him and Katsuki navigate their evolving friendship, and learn what it really means to be a hero. Future BakuDeku. Starts as kid fic. Cross posted on AO3.
1. a little wrecked

Chapter 1 – a little wrecked

 _Life isn't pretty, we all get a little wrecked sometimes_

 _If God's listening, people think you're out of your mind_

 _Even if you believe it_

 ** _Through all the hard times, I'm on your side_**

The Veronicas - On Your Side

Katsuki's first reaction is an angry one. He's not very good at dealing with emotions, and anger is the one thing that he can easily express. So when Deku of all people offers him a hand, instinct is to slap it away.

Why the fuck would he need ANY kind of help, especially from someone as useless as Deku? It's insulting, and Katsuki is not the type of person to let shit like that slide.

"I'm not weak!" he wants to shout.

"Don't look down on me!" he wants to scream.

But he doesn't.

Instead, he stares at the hand extended to him, lets his eyes drift upwards to Deku's face.

For the first time in his short life, something cuts through that blinding haze of anger. Katsuki looks at Deku, really looks at him, and the concern that consumes his body is alien to him.

Because although Katsuki is the one that fell, Deku is the one that's bleeding. Katsuki's gaze is locked down on the red blood trickling out of Deku's nose, takes in the suddenly grey, pasty starkness of his face, notices the way he seems to sway where he stands, his eyes suddenly not really focusing on Katsuki anymore.

"Deku?" he whispers, his brows furrowed in confusion.

Deku blinks sluggishly, and then his eyes promptly roll to the back of his head. He's like a puppet whose strings just got cut; he drops, splashing Katsuki in the face, and he doesn't get back up.

There's a moment of stunned silence where Katsuki just sort of stares at Deku's body, barely registering the green-haired boy lying face down in the water, small bubbles rising to the surface. But then he's jumping to his feet, his heart pounding in his throat.

Katsuki is stronger than Deku, but it's still a challenge to heave him upwards, to put him on his back. Deku's clothes are soaking wet, adding just a bit of weight to him, but Katsuki has adrenaline and fear on his side. He ignores the other boys jeering from they stood on the log bridge. They think Deku fainted like a sissy girl, but they didn't see the blood, didn't really see how Deku actually looked.

 _Sick_.

Katsuki runs as fast as his legs can carry him. He breathes in harsh pants, and his lungs and legs burn fiercely. But Deku is as limp as a rag doll on his back, only held on by Katsuki's stubborn grip. He's _dead weight_ , and Katsuki has never been so scared in his life.

"Deku," he growls angrily, because being angry is easier than being scared, "wake up! Just wake the fuck up!"

Deku doesn't answer, doesn't even move. Fuck, what if he's actually _dead_?

Katsuki weaves between trees, nearly stumbles and loses his grip on Deku, but rights himself and he keeps running. He needs to find help, needs to find an adult, a hero, someone!

Bile, thick and cloying, rolls in his stomach, and then he's overcome by the overwhelming nausea that trails up to his mouth, makes him want to bend over and hurl chunks. His eyes burn, and he savagely bites his lip when he feels that tell-tale pinprick of tears gathering at the corners of his eyes.

He wants to be a hero, but he's no good. He can't even help Deku right now. He has no idea how to even begin; his friend (and is Deku his friend? He isn't sure anymore, and that surprisingly aches in a way he never thought it would) is hurt, there's something so very wrong with him, and he can't fix it.

How the fuck is he supposed to be a hero if he can't even save Deku?

It takes entirely too long for him to end up on the street. He looks around wildly, nearly collapses in relief when he sees a costumed hero just up ahead.

"HELP!" he screams as loud as he can.

It stops nearly everyone on the sidewalk for a moment, but the adults soon after swarm him and Deku. He wants to rage at them because the hero suddenly can't get to him and Deku, and he wants to cry which always makes him even angrier.

The hero eventually makes his way to Katsuki, pushing and shoving well-meaning idiot adults, and Katsuki couldn't be happier. The hero starts asking questions, but for some reason, Katsuki can't hear him.

In fact, the only thing Katsuki can hear is his own heartbeat, loud, pounding lub-dub in his ears.. He blinks confusedly as the world blurs around him. It looks like the hero is talking to him in slow motion, and his head pounds horribly.

And then there's black creeping around the corners of his eyes, and his knees, weak and shaky, just sort of give out.

He's vaguely aware of hands grabbing him, but then everything goes dark.

* * *

Katsuki wakes up confused. He's still groggy and disoriented; his head hurts and his mouth feels dry and parched.

"Katsuki!"

He turns his head slowly, confused, and focuses on his mother's face. "Hag?" he rasps. "Why are you in my room?"

His mother doesn't correct his language, doesn't smack him over the head and tell him to be respectful instead of a rude little shit. Instead, she's staring at him, her mouth pressed in a thin line, her brows furrowed, and her eyes full of something he doesn't really see often - worry. Why would she be worried about him?

She grabs his hand gently, and that almost startles Katsuki even more. His mother has never been the soft or gentle type. He takes after her in almost every way - both loud, brash, unable to contain what they think even if it means potentially getting in trouble, and, most importantly, they get angry so easily. So her entire demeanor, the way she's staring at him and holding his hand as if he's fragile, it's worrying.

"You were very brave," she says softly, quietly, "and your father and I are so proud of you."

Katsuki blinks, slowly, and then he sees his father sitting silently in a chair just next to his mother. Which is just weird as hell because he doesn't have any chairs in his room, and why would they drag some in just to talk to him?

And then he looks around, notices his surroundings, and comes to the stark realization that…he's not in his room.

No, this room is white with little cartoon characters on the walls and ceilings, and Katsuki would rather die than have to stare at this shit every time he wakes up. Then he sees curtains drawn around the bed, the rails pulled up on the sides.

He's in a hospital.

Katsuki's eyes widen and he sits straight up, and clutches his head when the world spins. "Deku!" he gasps, and he tries to scoot out of the hospital bed. His parents block him, though, with his mother grasping his shoulder and his father grabbing his thigh. "There was - let go! There's something wrong with Deku!"

"We know," his father says, his voice calm and smooth like always. His father is definitely the cool head in the family, always unflappable and adaptable. "It's okay, Katsuki."

"It's not okay," Katsuki says loudly, not quite screaming but no doubt heading in that direction. "He was bleeding! I saw blood coming out and we were in that stupid park and there was nobody around and—"

His mother envelopes him in a tight hug. Katsuki pants harshly, and his eyes burn, and he can't breathe. His mom is murmuring something, but he can't hear, his heart is beating too loud and there's a weird buzzing in his head.

"—eathe in and out, Katsuki," his mother is saying. "Just keep breathing, in and out, slowly."

For once he doesn't argue with his mother, just listens to what she's saying and let's her calm voice wash over him. It's hard, so fucking hard, to slow down his breathing when it's already mission im-fucking-possible to breathe enough air in the first place, but he finds himself subconsciously mimicking her own steady breathing, and soon enough he starts to feel better.

"You were very brave," his father repeats, and Katsuki looks over at him. His father reaches out and brushes away a tear, and that's funny because Katsuki doesn't even remember starting to cry. "It must have been scary to see Izuku like that, and I know you didn't know what to do, but you brought him to an adult, a hero, and in doing so, you've helped him."

"Like a hero," his mother agrees.

Katsuki shakes his head angrily. "'m not a hero," he says hoarsely. His breath hitches in his throat, and his vision gets blurry again. He tries to blink away the tears, but they soon fall, and then it's like he can't stop. "I couldn't do anything," he admits shamefully. "I couldn't fix Deku…"

His mother rubs soothing circles on his back, and he fists her shirt tightly in his hands and buries his face in the crook of her neck. His body shakes with the force of his sobs.

"Oh, honey," his mother sighs thickly, like she's holding back tears of her own. "You did everything you could have, and it was enough. I promise you, it was enough."

Katsuki wants to rage at her, because how could that have been enough? He didn't even really do anything! He didn't beat up any villains, didn't save Deku from a burning building. And his quirk? His flashy quirk that he had always taken as a sign that he was going to be the greatest hero ever - it was fucking useless.

He was fucking useless.

Because explosions didn't help him carry Deku. Explosions didn't help him move faster. Explosions didn't stop whatever is wrong with Deku.

What kind of hero can't even use his quirk to save someone?

His parents utter more assurances, over and over as if that will help him believe them, as if by saying the words out loud he will come to some sort of epiphany that his actions had somehow saved Deku.

He doesn't believe them, but they keep trying anyway, and Katsuki falls asleep, utterly exhausted and drained, safely cocooned in his mother's arms and under the comforting weight of his father's hand in his hair.

* * *

Katsuki sees Deku, briefly, before his parents take him out of the hospital. Apparently his fall had given him a concussion, whatever that meant, but the doctors said he was good to go home. He won't leave without seeing Deku, though, and thankfully his parents don't fight him on it this time. They usher him into the room Deku's in, and Auntie Inko is already there, her hands twisting worriedly in her lap, sitting vigil by Deku's bed.

Deku is still pale, but he's washed of all blood, and he looks small against the white sheets.

When Auntie Inko sees him, she pulls him into a hug, and warbles out a, "Thank you," in the midst of her cries.

Katsuki wants to push her off, because he did nothing worthy of gratitude, but he doesn't. He actually likes Auntie Inko, even though she's as big a cry baby as Deku is. She always makes sure they have enough cookies to eat, and whenever he's slept over (and, huh, now that he thinks about it, that hasn't happened in a long time) she has a special bottle of super spicy hot sauce just for him. She's not overbearing like his own mother, but that doesn't make her any less of one.

"Auntie," he says softly, awkwardly pats her on the back, "Deku is…he's stronger than he looks."

It's a concession he never thought he'd make, mostly because whenever he looks at Deku, he doesn't see strength. He sees a crybaby quirkless loser, someone totally useless. But Deku's smart, almost as smart as he is, and maybe that's its own kind of strength? Katsuki is certain that if the roles had been reversed, Deku would have known what to do.

The thought both angers and shames him.

"You're a good boy, Katsuki," Auntie Inko says, her lip trembling and tears streaming down her face, but she's smiling softly at him like he's done something incredible, and in that moment he thinks that maybe Auntie Inko is stronger than she looks, too. "And you're going to make a great hero one day."

It's a fight not to cringe, but he manages it. He doesn't want to hurt Auntie's feelings; she's more delicate than his parents, and he just knows that she'll look at him the way Deku does whenever he meanly teases Deku, like a kicked puppy that doesn't know what it's done wrong but all too willing to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Katsuki smiles shakily at her, but deep down, he feels so unworthy of the praise being heaped upon him that he feels sick. He doesn't deserve Auntie Inko's smiles — not when he's made Deku shed tears just to make the other boys laugh.

"Let's go home, Katsuki," his father says, putting a hand on Katsuki's shoulder and guiding him to the door.

"Call us as soon as you have news," his mother tells Auntie, and she smiles gratefully at them.

When they go home, Katsuki goes to his room without another word. His father makes an aborted move to grab him, but ultimately does nothing as Katsuki calmly walks up the stairs. He closes his door quietly, ignores the buzz of his parents talking that he can barely make out.

He stares in the mirror for a long time, just takes in his reflection and contemplates. He needs to get stronger. If something like this happens again, he can't afford to be so weak. He got lucky this time — he accepts this, even though it's a very bitter pill to swallow. Katsuki's gaze inevitably trails to the All Might poster pinned to his wall.

He admires All Might; he loves watching the hero fight, wants to be as undefeatable as he is. All Might always seems to know what to do regardless of the situation. And, more importantly, he's never needed help from anyone.

Katsuki ponders this; then he goes down the hall to his father's study, and turns on the computer. He's supposed to ask permission to use it, but Katsuki doesn't want to go downstairs, and he definitely doesn't want to talk to his parents again. They'll just praise him some more, and just thinking about it makes his skin crawl.

But Katsuki is four and a half, and he's seen his father do it enough times to know how to get to YouTube. He knows the video he wants to watch; it takes him a few tries to spell it, because spelling is something he hasn't mastered quite yet, but he finds it.

All Might's debut.

It's Deku's favorite video; Katsuki knows because the dork would always play it when he came over. Katsuki hasn't seen it since the last time he slept over Deku's house, since before he got his quirk, and as the video plays he's overwhelmed with bittersweet nostalgia.

"Fear not, citizens. Hope has arrived!" All Might cries, beaming as he carries what looks to be a million people. "Because I am here!"

Stop. Rewind. Play.

Stop. Rewind. Play.

Stop. Rewind. Play.

Katsuki watches it over and over until it's dark outside and his tummy grumbles. He watches it, and for the first time, it looks different to him. He still admires All Might's strength, still looks at the hero and sees someone who sends all villains running with their tails between their legs. But now, he also sees the fearless smile on his face, and it's like something clicks. He finally understands what Deku's always talked about.

"Katsuki?"

He turns, and it's his mother in the doorway. She looks at him with that same worry, and he feels something in his gut twist.

"Mom," he says softly, and she startles because he hasn't called her that in months, "that's the kind of hero I want to be." He points at the screen, at All Might as he carries helpless civilians to safety. Not just a hero that beats up the bad guys, but also the hero that protects the weak.

His mother stares at him, her eyes searching his face as if she's seeing him for the first time. She smiles at him. "You will be," she assures him. She runs her fingers through his hair, so alike her own, and he lets her. Then she clears her throat, says playfully, "But all heroes need to eat their vegetables. Dinner's ready, punk."

He follows her to the dining room, and if she has any concerns when he holds her hand the entire way, she doesn't voice them.

* * *

Auntie Inko practically collapses into his mother's arms as soon as she opens the door, sobbing and clutching at her shoulders. It startles Katsuki, and he's not entirely sure why. He's seen her cry plenty of times — she seems to have a never-ending amount of tears that she passed on to Deku — but this time seems different. It's only been days since the last time Auntie's come over. The doctors at the hospital have been doing test after test on Deku, trying to figure out what's wrong with him. Auntie is still wearing the same clothes, and they're stained and even ripped in places. Her normally neat hair is tangled and matted, and her eyes are red and swollen.

"Inko? What's wrong?" his mother demands.

Auntie Inko wails, and the sound makes the fine hairs on Katsuki's arms stand on end. "Cancer," she cries harshly, her green eyes clouded in anguish. "They said it's cancer!"

His father quickly ushers him to his room, but not before he sees his mother collapse. She apologizes to Inko over and over, holds her tight and rocks her gently.

It's the first time he sees his mother cry like that.


	2. wearing thin

Chapter 2 – wearing thin

I can feel your heart hanging in the air

I'm counting every step as you climb the stairs

It's buried in your bones, I see it in your closed eyes

Turning in, **this is harder than we know**

We hold it in the most when we're wearing thin

Fleurie – Hurricane

"What's cancer?" Katsuki demands, his small fists clenched at his sides. He's never heard of the word before, but he knows it has to be bad. It has to be if it can make Auntie cry and scream like she's hurt, like her heart's breaking.

His heart beats wildly in his chest. Is Deku…dead? Did he die? His breathing picks up a notch, and his father gets down on one knee and hugs him.

"Your mother and I will explain everything to you," he assures. "But right now, Auntie needs our support. So I want you to wait right here, and I am going to find out what's going on. Okay?"

Katsuki huffs, lightly pushes his father away and stomps over to his bed, throws himself on it and crosses his arms over his chest with a scowl. His father hesitates for a moment, but then quietly closes the door and leaves.

He listens to his father's retreating footsteps, waits a good five minutes before he gets up. As sneakily as he can, Katsuki opens the door, winces and pauses when it creaks. Auntie is still sobbing, her cries muffled but still loud, and his parents are busy consoling her.

He tiptoes to his father's study, boots up the computer again. The two minutes that it takes the computer to load are tense, and he keeps glancing between the computer screen and the door, waiting with baited breath for one of his parents to come thundering in.

He doesn't know how to spell cancer, but thankfully Google is long accustomed to guessing somewhat accurately what someone means when they type something in the search bar.

When he sees the search results, he just feels more confused. He stares at it, but the words just don't make sense. They might as well be written in another language for all that he doesn't understand them.

can·cer  
/ˈkansər /

noun

the disease caused by an uncontrolled division of abnormal cells in a part of the body.  
Example: "He's got cancer."

a malignant growth or tumor resulting from the division of abnormal cells.  
plural noun: cancers  
Example: "Most skin cancers are curable."  
synonyms: malignant growth, cancerous growth, tumor, malignancy

He starts clicking on the other words, absorbs those definitions, and gets increasingly light-headed.

ma·lig·nant  
/məˈliɡnənt /

adjective

1\. malevolent.  
Example: "In the hands of malignant fate."  
synonyms: spiteful, malicious, malevolent, evil-intentioned, vindictive, vengeful, malign, mean, nasty, hurtful, mischievous, wounding, cruel, unkind; More

2\. (of a disease) very virulent or infectious.  
synonyms: virulent, very infectious, invasive, uncontrollable, dangerous, deadly, fatal, incurable, life-threatening  
Example: "A malignant disease."

Deadly…

Cancer is…deadly.

Deku has cancer.

fa·tal  
/ˈfādl/

adjective

causing death.  
Example: "A fatal accident"  
synonyms: deadly, lethal, mortal, death-dealing; More

leading to failure or disaster.  
Example: "There were three fatal flaws in the strategy."  
synonyms: disastrous, devastating, ruinous, catastrophic, calamitous, dire.

 _Causing death._

Katsuki leans over and pukes into the wastebasket.

* * *

There are times when he catches his parents staring at him. They're not obvious about it, but they don't normally do that so he notices.

If his parents know about him going on the computer while they were talking with Auntie Inko, and they're his _parents_ so of course they do, they don't say anything. Things are tense at home, and Katsuki hates it. He feels it every time he walks into a room. His father's gaze will linger just a little longer, and sometimes he gently presses his fingers against the inside of Katsuki's wrist. His mother has started randomly pulling him into a hug, occasionally puts her head against his chest and just listens.

It's driving him crazy.

He's not the one dying.

And that's the elephant in the room. It's been days since Auntie Inko broke down in their house, collapsed in his mother's arms because her world is falling apart. His father promised to talk with him, but that hasn't happened yet. Not that it really needs to because Katsuki knows.

He _knows_.

The new words are permanently etched into his brain, and he wishes he could forget them. He wishes he stayed in his room and played a game or did anything but go on the computer.

Cancer. Malignant. Fatal.

Katsuki knows it all basically amounts to one thing - death.

He knows about death; his mother had sat him down, told him that his grandma was very old, and that she would live with them for her final days. Katsuki had walked in on his father wetting his grandma's lips, her eyes closed and her chest not moving. Her face was a pale, washed out grey. Honestly, it wasn't necessarily the fact that his grandma was dead that bothered him.

It was the unnatural stillness.

And now, all Katsuki can think of is Deku looking the same; grey, still, _lifeless_.

He swallows, his throat suddenly very dry.

It's not like death isn't a possibility with hero work, but it's something he's never given full consideration before. And why should he? Yeah, it sucks when his favorite heroes die fighting a villain, but that's the way it's supposed to be, yeah? There's no higher honor for a hero, right?

Why doesn't it seem that way anymore?

There's a knock at his door. Katsuki looks up from where he's reclining in his bed; his parents darken his doorway, and he sits up, shoves his hands underneath his legs as if that will stop them from shaking. Their faces are serious, somber, and they look at him with sad, sad eyes.

He wishes they wouldn't. _He's not the one dying._

(But it feels like, maybe, a small part of him is?)

"Yes?" he croaks, his voice hoarse.

His parents move quickly and silently into his room, sit on either side of the bed with him. His father ruffles his hair gently, and the touch almost makes him flinch.

"Katsuki," he says softly, "do you remember a few nights ago when Auntie Inko came over?"

Katsuki forces himself to nod.

His mother continues, voice low and gentle, "Katsuki, the doctors found out what's wrong with Izuku. It…it's not good news."

Katsuki lets out a shaky sigh. "Cancer," he says. "Muh-lig-nan. Fah-tahl."

"He's sick," his father corrects. His hand drops to the back of Katsuki's neck, makes small circles with his fingers. "I noticed you looked those words up on the computer."

"Deku is dying," Katsuki says.

There's a moment of silence, just a heartbeat long, and then his mother gently grabs his chin, turns him to face her. "He is sick, and dying is a possibility," she admits, and before he knows it burning hot tears are trickling down his face. His mother presses on, her own voice going husky and her eyes looking distinctively wet. "He has a sickness called cancer. This sickness is going to take all of Izuku's energy, and he's going to feel really weak at times."

Now that he thinks about it, Deku did seem to get tired easily. There were a few times when they were playing with Tsubasa, Higurashi, and Takahashi where Deku would fall behind. They had all assumed that Deku was just too weak and useless to play Heroes and Villains with them, had teased him and cruelly told him it was because he was quirkless, and then made fun of him some more when he cried.

Katsuki clenches the sheets under his legs, and his lip wobbles as guilt and shame churn in his belly.

His father speaks up now. "There is a lot of different medicines that the doctors are going to try," he says slowly. He hesitates for a moment. "Some of them might make him feel sick, and sometimes he might be cranky and he might be hurt."

Katsuki bites his lip to stop the sob from spilling out. "They're supposed to fix him, not hurt him," he says, his voice wavering. He sniffles.

"They're going to do their best, Katsuki." His mother lays her hand over his, twists his so she can brush her fingers along the inside of his wrist. "There's a chance that it will work, and there's a chance that it won't."

Katsuki shakes his head violently, angrily. "But why?" He turns his head, glares at both of his parents. He wants answers.

Because yeah, he's never thought much of Deku before, but he's never wanted him dead. He still remembers when they ate chocolate chip cookies until they got sick, when they watched _Mighty Adventures_ together. He remembers falling asleep next to him, being slightly annoyed but mostly amused at Deku mumbling in his sleep.

But that was before Katsuki got his quirk; before Tsubasa and Higurashi and Takahashi made him feel like the coolest kid ever because his (stupid, no-good, _useless_ ) quirk was the flashiest out of all of them. Before Deku told him, trembling, "I'm quirkless. Is that…okay?"

Before he walked away from Deku and left him trailing after him.

It's not fair! Deku didn't do anything to deserve this!

"It's not fair," his mother agrees, and Katsuki realizes he shouted it. "And no, he doesn't deserve this. But, Katsuki, nobody _deserves_ cancer. It's something that…just happens sometimes. Izuku's going to have a long battle ahead of him, and we're going to have to be strong for him, okay?"

Katsuki trembles. He shakily lifts one of his hands to clutch his chest. "My heart really hurts," he whispers, his voice breaking. He looks at his mother desperately, waiting for her to fix it; waiting for her to make everything all better.

And then his parents are enveloping him in the softest of hugs. "I know, baby," his mother whispers back, and he buries his face in her chest and sobs.

Later, when he's all finished crying and his head feels stuffy and the pain in his chest has subsided to a throbbing ache, his father runs his fingers through his hair, his voice a soft timbre as he sings Katsuki to sleep.

He dreams of a world where Deku was born with a quirk, where he doesn't have cancer.

* * *

"Kacchan, wanna play _My Hero: Smash_ with me?"

Katsuki fidgets a little, doesn't know whether to put his hands in his pockets or behind his back. It feels like forever since he's been in Deku's room, but it hasn't changed at all. He still has his walls plastered with All Might posters. The top of his bookshelf is littered with figurines, and Katsuki is only slightly surprised to see a few new ones that weren't there last he knew.

His bed sheets are All Might, of course, and Katsuki smiles because he has the same ones. All Might is in his older costume, his fearless smile stretched ear to ear as he clenches his fast and calls out, "SMASH!"

Deku is sitting in the overly large bean bag chair that Auntie bought him for his birthday. Katsuki remembers being so jealous at Deku's birthday party as he sank into the comfortable chair. He'd tried to convince his mother to buy him one, but she refused. ("You'd somehow destroy it within the hour, Katsuki!")

He'd pouted for days afterward, and whenever he was asked why he was sad, he crossed his arms and turned the other way.

Deku had taken one look at him, and knew what was wrong. He'd smiled and said, "We can share it, Kacchan!"

Aside from his parents, Deku's the one that's always known him best.

"Sure, loser," he says quietly, then winces at his words. He doesn't want to act around Deku the way he used to; just thinking about it sends that awful feeling shooting through him. "Uh, I mean…"

Deku doesn't say anything, just hands him a controller and scoots over. Katsuki plops into the chair, can't stop the sigh of pleasure that escapes him. As far as he's concerned, this bean bag chair feels like heaven, and he will _fight_ anyone who says otherwise.

Deku selects Crimson Riot to play with, and Katsuki clears his throat awkwardly. "You can play as All Might," he offers, fiddles with the controller and looks anywhere but at Deku.

"You always play as All Might," Deku says flatly.

Katsuki winces again. "I know, but… I just mean you could—"

"Just pick All Might, Kacchan," Deku interrupts. He says it forcefully enough that Katsuki turns to him, startled. Deku is squeezing his controller tightly, his knuckles white and his hands slightly shaking, glaring at the screen.

Katsuki bites his lip, selects All Might. He doesn't know what to say. Deku sets the arena to an alley in Tokyo, and watches the countdown for the match to start.

Suddenly, he hears a loud 'BANG' coming from downstairs, and it's quickly followed by raised voices. He flinches, because that's one thing he's never heard in _Deku's_ house. Auntie Inko is always soft spoken, quiet, and Uncle Hisashi is not dissimilar to his father. He didn't think they even knew _how_ to raise their voices.

" _—don't know what you **want** from me_," Uncle Hisashi is saying, almost yelling. He's talking funny, almost as if his tongue is too big for his mouth, but it's his tone that almost scares Katsuki. It's hard and sharp, like jagged rocks.

" _I need your **support** , Hisashi! I need you **here**_!" Auntie says back. Her voice is sharp, too, but it's a different kind of sharpness. A breakable one, like glass.

Katsuki squirms awkwardly in his seat. Is this how Deku always felt whenever he and his mom raised their voices? It's like he's an intruder, and Katsuki has never felt like a stranger inside Deku's room before.

"They've been doing that a lot," Deku says suddenly, quiet and subdued. "Ever since the doctors told Mama I was sick."

The match starts, and Katsuki waits until they get into a rhythm of fighting before he says, "But why do they fight?"

Deku shrugs. "Papa hasn't been home a lot," he admits quietly. His shoulders hunch a little inward, like he's ashamed to say it out loud. "And when he is home, he just stays in bed all day. Sometimes he comes out all smelly, and then Mama gets mad at him."

There's a CLANK downstairs, but Deku doesn't even flinch. Katsuki uses All Might's special, New Hampshire Smash, and watches as it wrecks Crimson Riot all across the alley walls, shattering windows and sending bricks tumbling to the ground. WINNER: ALL MIGHT flashes across the screen.

" _This is fucking **hard** , okay? It's hard and I don't know what to **do**_!" A slam, more raised voices.

"They'll…be fine?" Katsuki says unconvincingly.

Deku lets out a small laugh, shakes his head. The match starts, but he doesn't move his controller; doesn't have Crimson Riot on the defense to protect against the onslaught that All Might unleashes. He turns to Katsuki, glares at him with watery eyes. "Mama cries all the time," he says harshly. The tears spill over in fat drops, drip all the way down his face and fall off his chin. "She cries and she says she's sorry over and over and _over_. Papa doesn't even like to _look_ at me anymore! It's like…it's like I'm already dead."

The air in Deku's room thickens. Katsuki doesn't know when he stands up, when he drops the controller and towers over Deku, glaring, little sparks going off, plumes of black smoke wisping away. He tries his best to calm down, breathes and gives himself a little pinch to his thigh. But the anger is hard to shake, and his has always run hot and volatile.

"You're not dead," Katsuki says harshly, pokes Deku in the chest a little sharply. "Okay? You're going to take the stupid medicine, and you're going to get better, Deku!"

Deku slaps his hand away, stands up. His fists are clenched tight enough that Katsuki wouldn't be surprised if he bled a little. "Shut up, Kacchan! You don't know anything!"

More sparks pop into existence. Katsuki snarls, "I might not know everything, but I do know you're giving up! You're a lot of things, Deku, but _quitter_ was never one of them!"

"Well I'm useless, aren't I?" Deku spits back. "Just a _deku_ , right?"

Katsuki rears back as if he was slapped. "I—" He cuts himself off.

Deku shakes his head, cries and angrily wipes away his tears. "I just want things to be normal," he whispers. " _I_ want to be normal!"

There's a long, tense silence. Deku sniffles, wraps his arms around himself. Katsuki glares at the floor, at himself, because he told himself he would be better to Deku, and he's not. He's just no good.

"Deku…used to mean useless," Katsuki admits quietly. He bites his lip, continues, "But from now, it means 'you can do it,' okay?"

"You're only saying that because I'm sick," Deku says shakily. He closes his eyes. "Even you're treating me different."

Katsuki takes a step back. He searches Deku's face, looks at him long and hard. "I…don't like the way I treated you before," he says quietly. "And I want to do better, okay? I should have never…it wasn't nice to make fun of you. I don't want to do it anymore."

Deku's shoulders shake as he cries. "Kacchan," he hiccups.

Katsuki stands up taller. _Be strong for him_. "My mom said that…that this is going to be a long battle for you. S-so really, it's like you're a hero, and cancer is the villain."

"'m not a hero, Kacchan. You said it yourself; you can't be a hero without a quirk." There's snot running down Deku's nose, and Katsuki's just glad it's not blood. Anything but blood.

"I was wrong," Katsuki says strongly, and Deku's eyes snap to his. He reaches out, grasps Deku's shoulders with his own trembling hands. "You are a hero! But you can't quit, okay? You can scream and you can cry, but you can't give up!"

Deku sniffles again. "I'm scared, Kacchan," he whispers. "I'm really, really scared."

" _FINE THEN_!" The front door slams shut, and then they can just barely make out the muffled cries of Auntie Inko.

For a moment, Katsuki isn't sure what to say. He stares at Deku's shivering form, and he lifts up a pinky. "I am, too," he whispers back, a secret between just the two of them. "And…and that's okay. We can be scared _together_. Because you can't be brave if you aren't a little scared, you know? So promise me that no matter how scared we get, we're also going to be brave. Promise me that we'll keep fighting, together, no matter how hard it gets." He wiggles his pinky.

Deku stares at it for a second, awestruck, and then hooks his own pinky around for the promise of a lifetime.

And then they're hugging, and it's like drinking hot chocolate after playing in the snow all day, like eating your favorite food, like green eyes and freckles, laughter and that fuzzy feeling in your chest that warms you to the bone.

It's like coming home.


	3. disconnected

Chapter 3 – disconnected

 _I live with all the goodbyes, doesn't matter how hard I try_  
 _They end in long nights spent up looking back on my life_  
 _I feel disconnected from the place that I call home_  
 _ **They hit me from the blind side** , caught me in the blink of an eye_  
 _Just like a landmine going off inside my mind_  
 _I remember the moment that changed everything I know_  
I Prevail - Lifelines

Deku doesn't go back to their pre-school for another few weeks. It's mostly because the doctors are still running tests, trying to figure out which medicines will work best and whether or not Deku needs to stay in the hospital, but Katsuki knows that Deku hasn't been back to the hospital in a long time. Katsuki's over Deku's house a lot more often now. They play video games, watch cartoons, and sometimes they just sit and talk. Katsuki isn't one to stay still for prolonged periods of time, finds himself getting jittery and cranky, but Deku looks a lot more tired these days, and Katsuki doesn't want him to feel worse.

Some days they sprawl out over Deku's twin-sized bed. Katsuki chats about school and tells him about some of the quirks that their classmates have begun developing. Deku's eyes shine brightly when he does this, and his hands twitch in jerky movements. He mumbles, stares off into space as the words just keep falling out of his mouth, and some of those words Katsuki doesn't even know the meaning to. Eventually Deku starts keeping a notebook, which he proudly declares, "It's my hero uh-nah-luh-sis for the future!"

Katsuki finds himself reluctantly impressed. On the one hand, it's the nerdiest thing he's ever seen, but on the other hand, some of the shit that Deku scribbles away in that notebook sounds so grown up and _smart_. It's almost enough to make Katsuki wonder if Deku's not actually quirkless, but rather his quirk isn't mean to fight with. Maybe it's meant to look at something like a quirk and pick it apart, figure out how it works, and then put it together better.

Some days they sit in the bean bag chair. Sometimes they talk, do their best to ignore the loud arguing that Deku's parents can't seem to stop doing, and sometimes they just sit in silence. It's during these times that Katsuki finds himself in a rare state of tranquility. Deku tends to nap a lot more now. The first time he does it makes Katsuki panic. He still remembers Deku just _dropping_ in front of him, Deku lying still in the hospital bed, but then he sees the steady rise and fall of Deku breathing, and he can't help but place his ear to Deku's chest. The instant he hears Deku's heartbeat, hears the evidence that he's still alive, he sags in relief.

Huh. So that's why his mother does that.

But Katsuki knows that, even though Deku gets tired and has to take more naps, Deku is unhappy.

It's not explicitly stated, not after the first time Katsuki came over, but it's obvious. Katsuki can see it in the way Deku's lips turn ever-so-slightly downward when they hear his parents screaming at each other; he can see it in the way Deku's eyes light up whenever Katsuki tells him about their classmates and the new stuff they've learned; and most importantly of all, Katsuki can see it in the way Deku's eyes tear up whenever the answer to his daily question, "Are you coming back yet?" is a sad shake of his head.

Katsuki hates feeling so helpless, so _clueless_ , so instead of asking Deku, he starts asking Auntie Inko. "When does Deku come back to school?" he asks before he leaves, his hand in his mother's.

Auntie Inko's smile always freezes, and Katsuki always feels guilty because she looks so _sad_ , but then he remembers how sad _Deku_ is, and he continues on because Deku's happiness is more important to him than Auntie's.

"We're not sure yet," Auntie Inko mumbles. She won't look at him, stares at her shoes and wrings her hands together. "The doctors still need…Izuku's maybe not…w-we're just not quite sure yet…"

 _Liar_ , Katsuki thinks, and he frowns because Auntie has never lied to him before. She's one of the few adults that doesn't treat him like a child, and he's always appreciated it. Now, though, he has mixed feelings, the most prominent one being disappointment. His mother tugs on his hand, and they say their goodbyes before walking down the street to their house.

He does this every day for a week before his mother finally questions him about it. When he gets home, his mother kneels so that they're eye level and says, "Katsuki, why do you keep asking Auntie about Izuku going back to school? It makes her really sad."

His mother is another adult that doesn't treat him like a little kid. She might talk to him with smaller words, but she's never lied to him, and if she feels that he's too young to understand something, she'll either simplify her explanation or tell him outright that the topic will be revisited when he's an appropriate age. It's irritating at times, but he likes that she's upfront about it.

Katsuki purses his lips, squashes his guilt. "Because," he says, unusually serious and solemn, "Deku's really sad staying home."

His mother blinks in surprise, but then her face changes. She grimaces, opens and closes her mouth a few times like a fish. "Katsuki, Izuku might not be able to go back to school," she says slowly, and Katsuki scowls in irritation. "He might be too sick."

"If he's too sick, he should be in the hospital," he argues. "He shouldn't be at home stuck in his room all day listening to Auntie and Uncle yell all the time."

The shock is evident on his mother's face, eyes wide in surprise and her mouth slightly gaping. She looks taken aback as if he just dropped a bombshell on her, which doesn't make any sense because she and Auntie talk on the phone _all the time_. She tries to say something, hesitates, and then concern takes over her face.

She picks him up easily, ignores his squirming and complaints that he's not a baby anymore, and moves to the couch where she sits down with him in her lap. "Katsuki," she says seriously, and Katsuki stops trying to wiggle out of her grip, "do they…how do you know they yell all the time?"

Katsuki pauses, and he looks away. He doesn't want to tell her, is scared that she'll say he can't go over to Deku's house anymore, and so he stays quiet, lips pressed tightly shut and wishing more than anything that he hadn't opened his mouth to begin with.

It's at this time that his father comes home. He's about to head upstairs when Katsuki's mother says, "Masaru, please join us."

His father blinks in surprise, but at the quiet insistence in her voice, walks over to sit next to the pair. "Is something wrong?"

"Katsuki says that Izuku is sad because his parents yell all the time." His mother fixes him with a gaze that makes him squirm again. "Katsuki, I need you to be honest with me. How do you know they yell all the time?"

"Katsuki?" his father urges when he remains silent again. He's starting to look concerned, too.

Katsuki shakes his head, nibbles on his lower lip. "I don't want to say," he mumbles.

"Did you promise Izuku you wouldn't say anything?" his mother asks.

Katsuki pauses again, thinks on it and then shakes his head. Izuku hadn't said anything about it being a secret, but talking about what goes on at his house just seems…wrong. And there's still that underlying fear that his mother won't want him to go over to Deku's house anymore.

"You should always keep your promises, unless keeping a secret hurts you or someone else," his father reasons. "But if you didn't promise Izuku you wouldn't say anything, then there's no reason not to speak up right now. We can't help Izuku if we don't know he's in trouble."

Katsuki thinks about this, nods his head a little. He wants to help Izuku, and he can't. But maybe…maybe if he tells his parents…maybe _they_ can do something. "Deku told me," he says softly, licks his dry and chapped lips. "He said they fight all the time, ever since he got sick."

His parents exchange looks.

"Do they fight when you're over there?" his mother asks, a small frown on her lips.

Katsuki nods his head slowly. "Uncle Hisashi always talks funny," he admits. He wrinkles his nose. "And he's smelly. He makes Auntie cry a lot, and that makes Deku sad. He says…he says that it's like he's already dead, and that he just wants to be normal." He suddenly fixes his parents with a hard stare, eyes narrowed and his fists clenched in his lap. "Deku wants to go to school. Auntie says that the doctors have to tell them it's okay, but Deku hasn't been to the doctor in a long time. She _lied_." He crosses his arms defiantly.

His mother purses her lips. She gives his father a look out of the corner of her eye, and suddenly he's being picked up and carried to his room while his mother pulls out her cell phone. "Thank you telling us," his father says, places a small kiss on top of his head.

"I'm not a baby," Katsuki growls out, but he has a small flush just across the bridge of his nose. He fidgets in his father's arms. "Can I still go play with Deku?"

His father hums thoughtfully. "Is that why you didn't want to tell us?"

Katsuki looks away. "Maybe," he grumbles.

"We wouldn't stop you from seeing Izuku," his father says mildly. "But maybe it will be best if you both spend time over here while Auntie and Uncle talk things through."

Katsuki looks at him doubtfully. He doesn't think Auntie and Uncle will actually talk, has spent too many weeks listening to their raised voices where they keep repeating the same things over and over. But he doesn't voice his concerns, just nods his head as his father puts him on his feet. He looks around his room. It's a little messy, his dirty clothes from yesterday on the floor instead of in his hamper, his bedsheets rumpled, and his action figures not in his toy chest.

He absentmindedly starts to put his room in order; if him and Deku are going to play here, his mom will make him clean his room anyways and he doesn't want to hear her nag.

* * *

Deku nearly tackles him in front of the pre-school. Katsuki almost didn't believe his mother when she told him Deku would be going back to school soon, so to see the green-haired boy smiling widely makes him happy. Auntie Inko is standing next to Deku, holding onto his little All Might backpack. He's not sure how he feels about her, still upset that she lied to him.

"Kacchan!" Deku squeals, throws his arms around the blond and clings like an octopus. Katsuki hugs him back, mindful about Deku's new fragility, almost scared to squeeze him too tightly even though he wants to. Deku presses their cheeks together, whispers in Katsuki's ear, "Thank you."

Katsuki's ears burn. "Whatever," he mumbles.

His mother and Auntie Inko talk for a few moments before Auntie Inko walks over. She crouches next to the pair, and she smiles at Katsuki. "You're a good boy," she says softly. She hesitates for a second, then reaches out and ruffles his hair. "Thank you for looking out for Izuku, Katsuki."

Katsuki stares at her, a little unsure, then nods his acceptance.

"Be good today, brat," his mother says. She turns to Deku and taps his nose, eliciting a giggle from the freckled boy. "Have fun, okay?"

Deku nods happily, puts on his backpack. He gives his mother a hug, says, "Bye mama!" and then grabs Katsuki's hand, and they walk into the school together. Katsuki glances briefly at their joined hands, decides that it actually feels kind of nice, and then leads Deku to their classroom.

Ms. Sakura, one of their teachers, looks at Deku with sad eyes. "Welcome back, Izuku," she says softly, pastes on a smile. "We've missed you!"

If Deku notices how fake her smile is, he doesn't say anything. He looks at her shyly, smiles, and says, "Thank you. I'm glad to be back."

She pats his head, lets her hand linger for a moment. Then she clears her throat and walks to the front of the room. "Good morning, everyone!" she calls out brightly, getting many replies from the other pre-schoolers. "Today is a very special day, class; let's all give Izuku a warm welcome back!"

Most of their classmates are excited to see Izuku, tell him they're happy he's feeling better and that they're glad he's back in school. Deku turns a furious red, bashfully waves back. There are a few classmates, though, that make gagging noises. It's small, and Ms. Sakura is too preoccupied warning the class to be gentle with Deku to notice, but Katsuki's ears pick it up, and his scarlet eyes hone in on two of his old friends (Higurashi and Takahashi) being responsible for it.

Thankfully Deku doesn't notice it either, too busy talking with some of the nicer kids in class.

The day goes on without much fanfare; Katsuki and Deku stick together like glue, which is only slightly odd. They used to hang out with each other all the time in pre-school, but what's new is that the other boys that were a part of their group — Higurashi, Takahashi, and Tsubasa — are left out.

Deku is happy to be back, brightly and cheerfully tells his classmates that he's feeling better. Today the class is going to pick the last of the vegetables they'd planted in the garden before the seasons change. Katsuki doesn't care much for gardening, but he knows Deku likes working with his hands.

They're working in pairs, and it's not really a question as to who Deku is working with. They tug at the carrots in the ground, place them neatly in the wicker basket their other teacher, Mr. Hitoshi, had given them.

Katsuki flicks a little dirt at Deku, laughs at the green-haired boy's indignant squawk.

And, of course, that's when Higurashi and Takahashi confront the two of them. Katsuki's not really surprised; the two of them are as close as brothers, always hanging around each other.

Higurashi crosses his arms around his chest, stares defiantly at Katsuki. "Why are you ignoring us, Kacchan?" he demands, confusion and a twinge of something in his voice. His fingers are extended, making him look particularly menacing. "And why are you only hanging out with _Deku_?"

Katsuki scowls at him. "Don't call me that!" he says angrily. He doesn't know why it irritates him suddenly; he's been going by Kacchan since he started pre-school months ago, but now hearing it from Higurashi's mouth is getting on his nerves. Maybe it's because when Deku collapsed, Higurashi laughed. He was the one to make a snide remark about Deku fainting like a girl, and the others reacted as if he just made the funniest joke in the world.

He was also the one to bring it up when Katsuki went back to school, and Deku didn't. "He's probably still crying like a girl," he'd said meanly.

And Katsuki, back in school after suffering from nightmares about Deku bleeding and him unable to do anything to help, yelled back, "Shut up, you loser! You don't know anything!"

For a while, it'd been enough for the other boys to drop the subject. They were still mean, though, and had no problem making other kids cry and then laughing about it. And for once, Katsuki looked at those kids and saw Deku, teary eyed and frowning, brows furrowed in confusion as if asking, " _Why are you being so mean, Kacchan?_ "

He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't help Deku, not really, but he could help these kids. And so the next time Higurashi made another kid cry, Katsuki would step between them, snarl, "Go away, you loser!"

It would happen, over and over, until Katsuki stopped playing with them, just started snapping at them, wanting nothing more than to tell them to fuck off but knowing he's not supposed to say that word.

Higurashi frowns. "You let _Deku_ call you that!" he accuses.

Deku flinches, and his shoulders sag a little.

Katsuki glares. "And don't call him that either!" Because although Deku now means 'You can do it!' like the word 'dekiru,' he knows Higurashi doesn't mean it that way; knows Higurashi means Deku is useless, and in that moment Katsuki hates himself for ever coming up with it.

Takahashi huffs. "But you always call him that! Why do you even care, Kacc—Katsuki?"

"You're just being jerks, and I don't have to tell you…you… _extras_ anything!" Katsuki snarls back. Small explosion pop off, and he tries to take a deep breath and calm down.

Higurashi looks at him in disbelief. "Extras?" he repeats, and the slight hurt in his voice makes Katsuki pause. He…doesn't want to be mean again, doesn't want to make anyone cry, because it's not okay. He knows now that it's not okay, that being mean doesn't make him any better than anybody else. It just makes him a bully, and that's not who he wants to be.

That's not what a hero is.

But still, he doesn't really know if he's being a bully in this moment. He doesn't think he is, not since Higurashi and Takahashi are the ones trying to make Deku feel bad and cry. But still, it almost sounds like Higurashi wants to cry, and he hates that he feels so clueless right now.

"We're not the extras," Takahashi hisses back angrily. He glares at Katsuki. "Besides, you used to do the same thing! It's not like you're any better than us!"

Higurashi regains some of his bravado, nods his head in agreement at his best friend's words. "You only care about Deku because he's sick," he adds nastily. "If he wasn't so weak, you wouldn't care one bit!"

 _"You're only saying that because I'm sick."_

Deku sniffles, tears in his eyes, and runs away, knocking over the basket of carrots, and that's all it takes to throw the world into chaos.

Katsuki doesn't even realize he's punching Higurashi in the face over and over until he's being pulled off the other boy, and even then he reaches his arms out, tries to land more hits. He can't see beyond his desire to make Higurashi hurt, and in that moment he doesn't know who he hates more.

Higurashi because of what he said, or himself because Higurashi might be right.


	4. breaking down

Chapter 4 – breaking down

Even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through  
Even if we can't find heaven, **I'll walk through hell with you**  
Love, you're not alone, 'cause I'm gonna stand by you  
Rachel Platten - Stand By You

Katsuki squirms uncomfortably in his chair. It's an overly large, squishy chair, and his feet dangle when he's seated all the way back. His parents are seated in the chairs next to him, his father flipping through a magazine and his mother on her phone. A television plays cartoons just off to the corner, giant lego blocks next to the television, a chest of toys stuffed to the brim. It is undoubtedly there to make kids like him feel more at ease, more comfortable, but Katsuki is not like other kids, and it just makes him upset. Already it's like they're looking down at him, and that's something that he absolutely can't stand.

"Bakugou Katsuki?" a woman with curly blue hair calls. She has a notepad in hand, and a smile on her face when his attention snaps to her. "Are you Katsuki?"

Katsuki scowls immediately. "I'm the only kid here," he points out, glancing at the otherwise empty waiting room. He stands up.

Instead of taking offense, she smiles wider at him. "It's a wise thing to be polite," she says cheerfully. She glances at his parents, who have both also stood to attention. They each offer her a hand, which she shakes, and then she says, "Do you have any questions before we begin?"

His parents exchange looks. "No, I believe we've already covered everything yesterday," his father says.

His mother pats his head softly. "We'll be right outside, okay?"

Katsuki's scowl deepens, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he follows the lady to a room. It's a decent size with two white couches facing each other with one under a large window, and end tables with bowls of candy on either side. There's a white board on the left side of the room, and a desk with a laptop in one corner. Even though the room has beige carpet, there's a large shaggy brown rug underneath the furniture. She gestures to the couch against the window, and Katsuki moves over. He pauses at the end table, plucks a piece of candy from the bowl, and then sits.

The couch is as comfy as the chair in the waiting room, but Katsuki still feels uncomfortable.

The woman sits on a couch opposite him, sets aside her notepad and folds her hands in her lap. "I hope you've had a good morning," she says brightly. The corners of her warm brown eyes crinkle slightly. "I'm Dr. Kishimoto Hana. You can call me Dr. Kishimoto, or Hana, or sensei; I don't mind either so long as you are comfortable addressing me as such."

Katsuki shifts in his seat again. "You know who I am," he grunts.

She nods her head, making her blue curls bounce. "That I do," she agrees. "And how would you like me to address you?"

He purses his lips, eyes her with a calculating expression that isn't typically seen on a child his age. She remains unperturbed by it, bright smile fixed in place, and she sits back, relaxed, her expression and body language genuine. "Katsuki is fine," he says finally. His shoulders relax a little, and he hadn't even realized he was so tense to begin with.

Dr. Kishimoto smooths out non-existent wrinkles on her soft grey pencil skirt. "Do you know why you're here, Katsuki?"

He crosses his arms over his chest defensively. "'Cuz I got into a fight."

"That's part of it," Dr. Kishimoto says honestly. "You're here because your parents are worried about you. They are worried about the amount of stress you've had to endure lately, and they want me to see if there's anything I can do to help you manage it. Does that sound like something you'd be open to trying?"

Katsuki shrugs his shoulders. "I have to, don't I?"

Dr. Kishimoto smiles again. She reclines slightly, crosses one leg over the other. "Well, this is our first time talking to each other, and I don't know about you, but I don't always feel comfortable telling a stranger things that are personal to me." She brushes aside a lock of hair, studies his face. "And it's okay if you feel that way, too. I want you to be comfortable talking to me, and then we can work on some techniques that might help you deal with things like your emotions, school, or anything that might cause stress."

"What if I don't ever want to talk to you?" Katsuki stares at her defiantly, scarlet eyes narrowed, shoulders squared.

Dr. Kishimoto instantly replies, "If you do not feel comfortable talking to me, we can find someone who you will be comfortable talking to."

Katsuki thinks. He's not sure if he'll ever want to talk to her, but she seems nice. She doesn't treat him like a baby, and seems to actually want his opinion about stuff. In the end, he settles for a shrug. "I'll try," he concedes.

Dr. Kishimoto leans forward, tilts her head at him. "I'm glad," she says softly. "Is there anything that you would like to talk about?"

Katsuki shrugs. "I don't really know what to say," he admits, scowls because he hates not knowing anything.

"You said you felt you were here because you were recently in a fight," Dr. Kishimoto offers. "Do you want to talk about why it happened?"

Katsuki immediately glares at his feet. "Higurashi made Deku cry," he spits out, huffs angrily. "Things were going fine and then Higurashi came over and he was mean to Deku!"

"Hm. And who is Deku to you?"

Katsuki looks up at her, startled. "Deku is…" He pauses, then shakes his head. "Deku is…my friend?"

"Why do you sound unsure about that?" Dr. Kishimoto asks calmly. She doesn't sound angry or accusing, but Katsuki still stiffens a little in defense.

"Because I…I mean…" He hesitates, licks his dry lips. "I used to be mean to him," he admits, peeks at her from the corner of his eye but keeps his gaze firmly at his feet, "and I used to make him cry so the other boys would laugh. And then Deku got cancer, and I didn't want to be mean anymore. I want to be better, for Deku. But the other boys…Higurashi said the only reason I even cared about Deku is 'cuz he's sick, and that made Deku cry and run away." His fists clench tightly.

"I see," Dr. Kishimoto says. She grabs her notepad, scribbles something down and then sets it aside again. "So you used to be mean to Deku. Were these boys mean to him as well?"

Katsuki nods reluctantly. "His name is Izuku, but I came up with Deku to say he was useless," he says quietly. "But I told him that now it means 'you can do it,' but the other boys still call him useless, and it's not nice. I never should have said he was useless at all."

Dr. Kishimoto makes a sound of acknowledgment. "Do you feel like calling Izuku 'Deku' and being mean to him was a mistake?"

Katsuki nods his head miserably. "I want to do better," he repeats earnestly, finally looking up and making eye contact.

Dr. Kishimoto smiles at him. "You know, a mistake is only a mistake when you don't learn from it," she says wisely. "And it sounds, to me, like you've come to some advanced conclusions about your own behavior, and have started correcting things you don't like. Most adults have a hard time coming to this point."

He gapes at her. "Uh…"

"And once you learn from your mistake," she continues calmly, "then it is a lesson. Now, you're very smart, Katsuki. Tell me: what is the lesson you learned from this?"

Katsuki blinks, then scrambles to answer, "To, uh, not be mean? Like, I should not make other people cry because that would make me a bully, and it's wrong to bully people?"

She smiles at him, tucks another loose curl behind her ear. "Sounds good to me," she says brightly. "You are allowed to grow as a person. Have you made some mistakes? Sure, but who hasn't? Making mistakes is a part of life, and sometimes they make your best teachers."

He frowns contemplatively, and then his shoulders ease a little. It's like a tension he wasn't aware of finally released. He feels a bit lighter, but he still doesn't feel completely better. Katsuki looks at Dr. Kishimoto thoughtfully, still hesitates for a moment because although talking to her has started to make him feel better, he's still a little wary about completely opening up to her. "Sensei," he says hesitantly, "I have a question."

She smiles at him. "Yes?"

"I…am I a bad person?" he asks. He fiddles with a stray thread on his shorts. "I just…Higurashi and Deku both think that I only care about Deku because he's sick, and I…I don't know if they're right? I mean…" He cuts himself off, tugs at a lock of his hair.

Dr. Kishimoto scribbles some more on her notepad. "Cancer is an awful thing," she says quietly. "My mother, unfortunately, died from breast cancer when I was seventeen."

Katsuki's heart sinks. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, because he is. He's sorry that cancer even exists, because why would something so horrible happen to people that don't deserve it?

She nods her head in thanks. "Sometimes it takes something bad to bring people closer together, and there's nothing wrong with that," she assures him. "Izuku having cancer is what led you to want to change yourself, yes?"

"I…he's…Deku's _dying_ ," he whispers, feels that same sadness and nausea deep in the pit of his stomach.

Dr. Kishimoto's eyes soften in sympathy. "Yes, he could die. That is always a possibility with cancer. But, there is still a chance for recovery. It depends on a lot of different things, but every case is different. When something bad happens, we have three different choices we can make. We can let it define us, we can let it destroy us, or we can let it strengthen us. Do you understand what that means?"

He shakes his head, and she explains, "Well, when we let something define us, we assign ourselves a meaning based on something else even if it's not true. When we let something destroy us, we give it power to ruin us, or defeat us. And when we let something strengthen us, we become stronger." She pauses, licks her lips. "Do you think Izuku is more than his cancer?"

"Of course he is!" Katsuki exclaims. "H-He's smart, and he's nice, and he likes All Might! He wants to be a hero more than anything, and if he didn't have cancer, he could have been the first quirkless hero!"

Dr. Kishimoto nods her head. "So cancer does not define him," she concludes. She smiles at his startled look. "And it doesn't have to define your relationship with him, either. Do you like him more now that you know he has cancer?"

Katsuki shakes his head slowly. "I don't think I like him more," he murmurs, his eyes widening slightly in realization. "I like him the same, I'm just…not mean?"

"And that's a good start," Dr. Kishimoto praises. "Would you still care about Izuku if he did not have cancer?"

Katsuki nods his head vigorously. "He's my friend," he says again, this time with more confidence. He nods his head in affirmation. "He's my _best_ friend," he amends softly.

Dr. Kishimoto smiles at him. "To answer your question, no, I don't think you're a bad person," she says. "You're very smart for your age, Katsuki, but sometimes emotions are hard to control at any age. But that's okay. That's what you're here to learn." She adjusts herself in her seat, scribbles a few more notes down. "Now, we're almost out of time, but I want to tell you a story before we're finished. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah." Katsuki leans over and grabs another piece of candy, stuffs it into his mouth and settles down.

"When I found out my mother had cancer, I was very sad," she says calmly, "and I was also very angry. We didn't always get along, and sometimes we were pretty mean to each other. Well, when the doctors told her she was sick, she decided that she wanted to be a better mother before it was too late. We had a lot of emotions to work through, but in the end, we became pretty good friends before she died." She stares out the window, but a sad smile on her lips. "One of the things that helped me was folding paper cranes. It is said that if you fold one thousand paper cranes, you are granted a wish, such as the recovery of an illness. I wanted to give my mother those paper cranes."

"Why cranes?" Katsuki asks, his nose wrinkled.

"Cranes are said to live for a thousand years," she explains.

"But it…didn't work…" he says hesitantly.

"No," she agrees, "it didn't. But it did bring me some comfort when I felt like the news would destroy me. I'm not saying you should fold a thousand paper cranes, Katsuki, but rather I'm saying you should find a hobby, something you can do with your hands, to help you deal with Izuku's cancer. Maybe you can do something you can share with him."

Katsuki pauses, and nods his head thoughtfully. He's not going to fold cranes, because cranes might have been important a really long time ago, but what could they do for Deku's cancer? Flap it away? No, the cranes would be stupid, but what could he give to Deku that would make him feel better? "Okay."

"And that's all the time we have for today," Dr. Kishimoto says as she stands. She smiles at his startled look, moves to open the door. He follows her outside, and his parents immediately stand up. His mother searches his face for any signs of distress, but he is surprisingly relaxed and calm.

"How did it go?" his father asks.

Katsuki shrugs. "It was…good," he admits quietly.

Dr. Kishimoto laughs, a light sound that chimes like bells. "Today went very well. I'd like to see him again next week."

His father sets up the appointment, and then they leave. Katsuki stares out the window, startles when he catches a glimpse of an All Might movie poster. He immediately perks up, and he starts to smile as the idea forms in his head.

"Hag?" he asks suddenly, interrupting his parents' quiet conversation. "Can I get a book to draw in?"

His mother blinks in surprise. "I didn't know you were interested in art," she says. She looks at his father, then shrugs. "Yeah, we can pick up a sketch book."

Katsuki smiles to himself, satisfied. He knows exactly what to do to make Deku feel better.

* * *

Katsuki adamantly does _not_ look out the window.

"Settle down, brat," his mother says. "They'll be here any minute."

"I am settled!" he snaps back, turns his head violently so that he's facing the TV. His mother smirks at him, but doesn't reply. He doesn't know what's taking Deku and Auntie Inko so long. They literally live three houses away!

Ever since his fight a week ago, he hasn't really seen much of Deku. He and Higurashi both got in trouble at pre-school for fighting, and Deku didn't show up again for the entire week. When he asked his mother why, she pursed her lips and told him about Deku's doctor visits and that he might be starting his medicine soon.

A knock on the door startles him, and he jumps up to go get it. His father beats him to it, pokes him on the nose and reminds him, "You're not allowed to answer the door."

Katsuki scowls, but his expression evens out when the door opens to reveal Deku and Auntie Inko. His happiness at seeing them evaporates at Deku's absolutely miserable expression. Both Deku and Auntie Inko have swollen, red eyes, like they've been crying a lot (and that's saying something, because they're _always_ crying and have never looked this bad before).

"Sorry we're late," Auntie Inko says demurely, her voice soft and slightly shaky.

Katsuki narrows his eyes, grabs Deku's hand and drags him upstairs to his room. "I'm going to show him my new book before dinner!" he calls, doesn't bother waiting for an answer.

Deku doesn't fight him. Katsuki closes the door once they're in his room, and Deku asks, "What new book?"

Katsuki purses his lips, shakes his head. There's a lot of stuff that he wants to say; he wants to tell Deku what he learned from Dr. Kishimoto, that he's always liked him even before he got cancer, that he's sorry he's ever made him feel like he's useless, that Deku is his _best_ friend and he's going to be better. But all of that can wait, because something isn't right, something is making Deku subdued and _wrong_.

"What happened?" Katsuki asks softly, hesitantly. He's staring at Deku like he's a frightened animal ready to run off.

Deku shakes his head a little, opens his mouth to assure his friend that everything is okay when he pauses. He stares at Katsuki's face, and the concern he sees makes his lip wobble, his eyes water, and his shoulders shake.

"Kacchan," he whimpers, "Papa _left_."

Katsuki rears back, shocked and in disbelief. "He…left?" he asks incredulously.

A few tears roll down his cheeks, and a sob escapes his mouth. "He said he couldn't stay," he cries. "That it was making him too sad and it was too hard, so he took a job overseas a-and he i-isn't coming back. I…" He hunches over, sobs brokenly. "I asked him to stay, but he left. I b-b- _begged_ , Kacchan, and he…he just walked away…M-Mama tried t-to t-t-talk to h-him but he p-pushed her and he j-j-just l-l-l- _left_!"

Katsuki's moving before he realizes what he's doing. He wraps Deku in a hug, squeezing tightly, and he buries his face in Deku's hair. A few tears of his own escape his eyes as Deku wails into his shoulder, hands clenching his shirt tightly. He doesn't know how long they stand there, crying against each other.

Once the overwhelming sadness dissipates, there is the sharp sting of betrayal. It makes Katsuki angry, because he looked up to Uncle Hisashi. He always thought his quirk was really cool, always told him that he should have been a hero. The other man had always laughed it off, told him he wasn't strong enough to be a hero, but Katsuki never believed that.

Until now.

Deku eventually settles down, pulls away, but his eyes are screaming their despair, and Katsuki knows he's in agony because his own heart feels like it's been ripped out. He can't even imagine his own father just leaving him and his mother behind, just deciding that it's too hard to stay. "My heart hurts," Deku whispers, moves his hand to his chest. He looks at Katsuki pleadingly.

Katsuki reaches out, brushes away the stray tears from Deku's eyes. "It's not your fault," he whispers back. "And you don't need him. You have your mom, and my parents, and you have me. We're still here, and we won't leave you."

Deku sniffles, grabs onto Katsuki like he's a lifeline, like if he holds him tight enough then he won't leave. Katsuki lets him, holds him just as tight, breathes in the scent of his shampoo and fabric softener.

By the time his mother calls them downstairs to dinner, their eyes are dry, swollen and red, their hearts still heavy. Dinner is a solemn affair. Katsuki swirls around his spicy noodles, no longer having an appetite. His parents look at him concernedly, but they don't say anything. Auntie Inko and Deku also push around their noodles, but take very small bites.

The air is thick and tense, and Katsuki hates it. He hates the obvious hole that that sorry excuse of a man left behind, hates how downtrodden Deku looks. He clenches his fingers around his chopsticks angrily, glares at his noodles fiercely. He can feel himself sweat, knows any second he'll set off little explosions.

Katsuki exhales loudly, gathers the attention of everybody at the table. He stares at Auntie Inko and Deku, takes a deep breath. He's going to get in trouble for this, but he doesn't care. "Uncle—" He cuts himself off. He's no uncle of his—not anymore. " _Midoriya_ can go _fuck himself_."

The results are instantaneous. His father drops his chopsticks, his mother snorts her noodles out of her nose, Auntie Inko spits out her water, and Deku's eyes widen as his jaw drops.

There's a moment of silence as everybody takes in his words, but then Deku snorts, covers his mouth to muffle his giggles. Auntie Inko is startled into laughter, and then everybody is laughing. Katsuki looks proud of himself, smug, and then is finally able to dig into his noodles with gusto.

Later on when Auntie Inko and Deku leave, Auntie Inko gives him a fierce hug, kisses the top of his head. Deku tackles him, kisses his cheek, and his face erupts in a blush. They don't look happy exactly, but the dark shadows have receded a little from the corners of their eyes. He didn't make everything better, but for a few moments, he saved them from their demons.

His mother grounds him, of course. "You know you're not supposed to curse, you little shit," she says, and though she's trying to be stern, her eyes are twinkling. Plus, she has a potty mouth of her own, and she knows, like most of his traits, that he's going to take after her in that regard.

But that's fine. He will deal with two days of no video games if it means that Deku will smile and laugh like he used to.

Before he goes to bed, he purges his room. He finds every toy, every game, every comic book Midoriya ever gave him, and he unceremoniously slams it into the trash. Katsuki wants no memento from that coward. Midoriya wants to up and leave as if he's the only one going through this, as if it's just too much of a burden?

Fine. If he's going to disappear from Auntie Inko and Deku's lives, then he'll fucking disappear from Katsuki's, too.


	5. when you're in pain

Courage is when you're afraid  
But you keep on moving anyway  
Courage is when you're in pain  
 **But you keep on living anyway**  
The Strange Familiar - Courage Is…

The air is colder when Deku starts taking his medicine. It's a nasty liquid that makes his face scrunch up in discomfort, but he swallows every last drop. Sometimes he looks like he's going to hurl, and he clamps his hands over his mouth as if that will prevent the medicine from coming back up. He takes the medicine every morning just before he walks with Katsuki and their mothers to pre-school.

They have to bundle up in coats now. The leaves have already changed colors and have fallen, leaving the tree branches bare and the ground littered in colors of orange and red. Deku especially has to keep himself warm against the chilly air, so he wears a bright red hat and a matching scarf.

For the first few weeks after Deku returns to school (again), most of the kids give them a wide berth, which is completely fine with Katsuki. Higurashi and Takahashi especially stay away, having gotten a severe scolding from both the teachers and their parents after The Fight broke out. They occasionally send Katsuki conflicting looks, sometimes angry and sometimes sad, but they don't approach him, and he doesn't invite them to play with him or Deku. Honestly, he doesn't want to deal with them, so he ignores them, and the feelings are evidently reciprocated.

Tsubasa is confused by their behavior, doesn't know whether to try to talk to Katsuki or Higurashi. The choice is soon taken out of his hands as Takahashi brings him into his fold, and Katsuki doesn't feel as if that's a loss on his part.

Eventually other kids start interacting with him and Deku again. It is now a universally unspoken rule to not say anything mean to Deku (or bring up his cancer) for fear of invoking Katsuki's wrath. It makes him a little uncomfortable; he doesn't want to be known as the kid that beats other kids up, but at the same time he's proud that everybody knows he will defend Deku.

Now that Deku is taking medicine, he naps more frequently. Even when the class has to do activities, Katsuki finds himself searching for Deku, staring long enough to determine that, yes, his chest is rising and falling. His teachers notice him distracted when the rest of the class enthusiastically participates in the activities, and they do their best to recapture his attention and include him.

Katsuki is absorbed in his book when Deku wakes up from his nap while the rest of the class has some quiet reading time. It's a book full of pictures and minimal words because he's not the greatest at reading just yet, and it's all about different fighting styles. He really likes it, can't stop wondering about what fighting style he should use when he becomes a hero.

That's why he doesn't quite notice right away when Deku starts to blink. He does, however, hear Deku sniffle.

Katsuki turns to Deku and tosses his book aside, rushes over to the cot the green-haired boy is laying on. "What's wrong?" he asks urgently.

Deku's lower lip wobbles, and a few tears slide down his cheeks. "My tummy hurts," he whispers.

Katsuki looks around; nobody else has really noticed Deku crying yet. Ms. Sakura is preparing their snacks, and Mr. Hitoshi isn't in the room. He bites his lip. The only thing he knows that helps with tummy aches is the special ginger tea that his mother makes, but there's no place to make tea here, and even if there was, he's not allowed to use the stove without his mother making sure he doesn't blow up the kitchen. He goes over to the classroom sink and fills a glass with water, carefully walks it over to Deku. "Try drinking," he suggests, and he helps Deku sit up and take a sip.

Deku's face scrunches up, and he shakes his head. "Hurts," he complains, one hand reaching down to rub his tummy.

Katsuki scowls, looks around for anything else that can potentially help. He doesn't really know what to do, doesn't know how to take away the hurt, so he leans over and starts rubbing Deku's tummy with him. His hands are sweating, and Katsuki hesitates; he doesn't want to accidentally explode Deku into pieces. He doesn't have much control over his quirk yet, though, and this thought just makes him sweat even more. His hand heats up, and he grits his teeth as he tries to hold back the explosion that wants to come out.

Deku gasps, and Katsuki abruptly yanks his hand away, dismay written on his face as he searches Deku for any signs of damage. "That was nice," Deku says, surprise and relief coloring his voice. "Can you do it again?"

Katsuki's face lights up a little, and his brows furrow in concentration. His hand heats up again, and Deku sighs happily as the pain starts to settle. Katsuki feels elated. He just used his quirk, and it was _useful_. His quirk _helped_ Deku. Katsuki didn't know his quirk would be good for anything except fighting bad guys, and his heart flutters wildly in his chest. He doesn't know how else to use his quirk to help people instead of just using it to destroy his enemies, but this? This proves it's possible, and gives Katsuki hopes; he can use his quirk to be the hero that he wants to be, he just has to think of ways to do so.

When the teachers finally notice, they exchange looks but don't say anything until their mothers come pick them up.

"Kacchan made his hand hot, and it made my tummy stop hurting," Deku explains happily. His eyes are tired, though, drooping a little, and a yawn escapes his mouth.

Auntie Inko frowns a little. "The medicine upset your stomach?" she asks. "I'll buy a heating pad to take to school." She smiles at Katsuki and ruffles his head, thanking him.

Katsuki frowns a little but doesn't say anything as they begin the short walk home. He doesn't see why Auntie Inko needs to buy a heating pad when he can just use his quirk to help Deku feel better. But, then again, as much as he hates it, there are plenty of times when he's not going to be around Deku and can't help, so maybe the heating pad can help until he gets back to Deku's side.

He nods to himself, satisfied with his line of reasoning.

The walk home is full of Deku's chatter which is constantly interrupted with his yawns. There's a new All Might video game coming out, and Katsuki wonders if he'll get it before Deku. That used to be a point of pride for him, getting All Might merchandise before Deku so he can lord it over the other boy when they inevitably saw each other again. Now, he just thinks of getting it before Deku so they can play it together that much faster.

Deku waves goodbye sleepily at his door, and Katsuki walks home with his mother. He drops all of his stuff at the doorway when he gets home and runs into the backyard. He practices making his hand heat up over and over until it's dinner time. He accidentally sets off a few explosions, but he keeps practicing. Katsuki vows to perfect this new technique of his by the time the week is up.

Deku's face, smiling and full of relief, serves as his inspiration.

* * *

His mother takes him to the art supplies store one day after school. Deku had left early because he had a doctor's appointment, so his mother picks him up in her car. Katsuki hates having to sit in the booster seat, thinks he's big enough to not need it anymore, but his mother insists, and so he spends the entire car ride pouting. When they get to the store, Katsuki is all too eager to unbuckle himself and get out of the car, previous temperament forgotten.

As they walk through the store, Katsuki becomes easily distracted by all of the bright colors and various supplies. He touches and flips through every book he sees, smells all of the fake flowers, fiddles with every cool-looking stamp that the store has to offer. His mother indulges him with a smile, walks patiently with him and points out some art supplies that he might be interested in.

Katsuki looks at all of the drawing books and feels overwhelmed. There are so many different types to choose from! There's drawing books, sketch books, newsprint pads, spiral books, bound books, and everything in between. He scowls at them, irritated that it's already taking so much extra effort just to pick something to draw in.

"What do you want to draw?" his mother asks as she also surveys the books.

Katsuki glances at her and then glances away, the tips of his ears a little red. He doesn't know why he feels embarrassed by this, but he's overcome with the desire to not share this with his mother. This…what he wants to do is for Deku. It's for the both of them, actually, and it feels incredibly private, like it's supposed to remain a secret. He chews on his bottom lip as he thinks, internally debating, and then finally he admits, "I want to draw something for Deku."

His mother's brows rise in surprise. "Oh?" she asks. "Did he ask you to draw it for him?"

Katsuki shakes his head. "It's a secret," he confides. He hesitates, then continues, "When I talked with sensei, she said that folding paper cranes helped her when her mom had cancer, and I didn't want to fold cranes because that's _stupid_ , but she said that I should find something to do that I can share with Deku, and I thought that, maybe, I could draw Deku a thousand pictures of All Might because it's All Might!"

He finally breathes as it takes his mother a few seconds to process this information. "A thousand pictures? Like the thousand paper crane story?"

Katsuki nods. "I know…I know it won't work, but…I just thought it might help him feel better. And if anything could made Deku feel better, it's All Might!"

His mother makes a soft noise of acknowledgment, nods her head slowly and fixes her gaze back to the plethora of books. She looks like she wants to say something, hesitates with it for a few moments, but then she reaches out to grab a sketchbook that's about the size of one of his notebooks for school. She hands it to him, and Katsuki holds it reverently; it has a hundred pages, and he can't wait to fill it up.

"You'll need several sketchbooks," his mother says quietly. "But we'll worry about that once you fill this one up, okay?"

Katsuki hugs the book to his chest. "Thanks, hag," he grumbles, but the effect is lost as his cheeks redden.

His mother smiles, pats his head. "I know this is hard for you," she says suddenly. She looks at him seriously. "At times, I've wondered if I'm doing the right thing, letting you stay so close to Izuku."

He instinctively jerks away from her, glaring hotly as he feels himself start to panic. "Why?" he demands.

His mother doesn't seem offended, just stares at him with a sad air. Her mouth is tugged downward, her eyes soft. "Because I want to protect you," she admits. She kneels down so that they're eye-level. "I may not be a super hero, Katsuki, but I'm your mother. The last thing I want is to see you in pain; in fact, I would do anything in my power to prevent it. And staying friends with Izuku while he goes through this could hurt you in ways that I can't protect you from."

"I don't need to be protected," Katsuki protests. He frowns, stares hard at his mother.

"Sometimes," she continues as if he hadn't spoken, "adults have to make hard decisions. They're not wrong or right, they're just hard. And this one was very hard because Izuku and Auntie Inko are family. You and Izuku have known each other since you were in diapers. You've played together, napped together, you've even bathed together."

"Hag!" Katsuki admonishes with another glare, but it's weak.

She smiles at him, but it's not a happy smile. Not completely. "One way or another, whatever decision I make, it ends up hurting you, Katsuki. Either you stay friends, and Izuku maybe dies, and you get hurt. Or you stop being friends, and that hurts you too. It's a hard decision to make."

"But what if he doesn't die?" Katsuki insists. He stares at his mother earnestly. "What if Deku beats cancer?"

"He might," his mother concedes. "But as an adult, as your mother, I have to think about the bad that could come from this as much as I think about the good."

"He's my _best friend_ ," Katsuki whispers, clutches onto that thought like it's a lifeline.

"I know." His mother reaches out, brushes his hair. "And that's why, even though I'm scared that this will hurt you in the end, I won't interfere. You're too young to have to deal with all of this, but Izuku is younger, and he needs you. He needs all of us, especially since his dad left."

" _Midoriya_ ," Katsuki spits, "is not his dad. Dads don't just decide to leave. They stay even when you're cranky in the morning, or you puke on them, or you accidentally hit them on the head with your toys. They don't…they don't _break_ you."

He's still so mad at Midoriya, at the betrayal. It's as sharp as it was weeks ago, still leaves him feeling bitter and hurt, and he knows Deku feels it worse. Katsuki knows because he's seen Deku stare at the few photographs he still has of his family, together and whole, that hang on his wall next to his best All Might poster. He knows because sometimes, when they're taking a nap in Katsuki's room, when he thinks Katsuki is asleep, Deku quietly sobs, "Papa," over and over.

Deku's muffled cries pierce him more sharply, more viscerally than anything.

"Adults don't always make the best choices," his mother says. She stares at him, but it's like she's not really _looking_ at him, not now. "We get mad and scared like kids do, and sometimes we don't handle things as well as we should."

Katsuki thinks back to his session with Dr. Kishimoto. " _When something bad happens, we have three different choices we can make. We can let it define us, we can let it destroy us, or we can let it strengthen us_ ," she had said.

 _We can let it define us_. Auntie Inko. She's not as happy as she used to be, not that Katsuki blames her, but she's also different now. He remembers when she kept Deku home, away from school ( _away from him_ ). She'd said it was because they were going to see what the doctor said, but that was a lie. It was because she didn't want Deku to go to school, because she wanted to keep him close and not let go of him. Deku told him so. It was like she forgot that Deku was more than his cancer.

 _We can let it destroy us_. Midoriya. He also forgot that Deku was more than his cancer, and then the coward just left. It was _too hard_ , and he had to get away because it was making him _too sad_. The thought still enrages Katsuki, almost makes him want to explode something to get the anger out. Midoriya was weak, Katsuki knows that now.

 _We can let it strengthen us_. Deku. Katsuki's heart warms at the thought of the green-haired boy. Deku's the one that has the most right to cry and pout and throw a tantrum. Instead, Deku takes his icky medicine; he makes a face, but he swallows every last drop. He cries, but then he wipes his eyes, dries his tears, and he keeps going. He's…Deku is…

Deku is _strong_.

Deku is a hero.

"I want to draw Deku a thousand pictures of All Might," Katsuki repeats quietly. "I want him to look at the pictures and feel better."

His mother nods, closes her wet eyes, and when she opens them again, she smiles brightly at him. "I'm proud of you," she says thickly. "Izuku is lucky to have you as a friend."

Katsuki cocks his head to the side, thinks about that. He still remembers calling Deku useless, pointing and laughing at him with Higurashi. Katsuki remembers every mean thing he did, every mean thing he said. He doesn't feel like Deku was lucky to have him as a friend when he was like that, when he made Deku cry just because it might be fun.

And then Dr. Kishimoto's words ring in his head.

 _You are allowed to grow as a person._

"We're both lucky," he allows, and he hugs his sketchbook tighter to his chest.

"Of course," his mother concedes. She stands up, subtly dabbing at the corners of her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket. She grabs his hand, and he allows it, follows her to the register where she pays for his new sketchbook.

Later that night, he stares at the picture of All Might his father had pulled up on the computer screen. His heart feels lighter as he draws All Might as best as he can, constantly erasing it and re-doing several different lines. He colors the picture, too, a splash of red for his body suit and a nice, deep blue for the cape.

His parents praise his drawing, and Katsuki smiles at it in satisfaction.

One down, nine hundred and ninety-nine to go.


	6. a rock to a boulder

Chapter 6 – a rock to a boulder

When the weight on your shoulders  
Grows from a rock to a boulder  
 **I am one man but I'll stand like an army of soldiers  
** I'll be the gun in your holster  
Raine Wilder – Rescue

Katsuki makes sure to very carefully hide his sketchbook. He puts it in his underwear drawer, piles his neatly folded undershirts, All Might boxers, and socks over it. It's not very full yet, but he's only been drawing for three weeks, and he doesn't spend all of his time drawing. Katsuki still dedicates quite a bit of time to practicing with his quirk, and he's made a few discoveries about it.

He can now heat his hand up with only the very occasional explosion. It's decent progress, but until he can do it without any explosions, he won't be fully comfortable using it to help Deku. Still, it's thrilling to use his quirk in this way. Deku prefers Katsuki's hand to the heating pad, which makes Katsuki feel warm and giddy. "It doesn't help as much," Deku likes to insist as Katsuki lays behind him and rubs his belly in soothing circles.

Katsuki also discovered a way to make him faster. He had been playing in the backyard when he'd been startled, not that he'd ever admit it, by the neighbor's dog suddenly snarling and barking at something. Katsuki had been stretching, his hands behind him, and the noise had startled him into letting off explosions that sent him rocketing forward. He's been practicing ever since, yelling gleefully at his progress. It's a rush that sends adrenaline in his veins; he loves the wind flying through his hair, loves how weightless he feels.

When his explosions get bigger, Katsuki knows he'll be even faster.

"Katsuki, are you ready?" his father calls.

Katsuki hastily shuts his dresser drawer. "Yes!" he shouts. He hurries out of his room and runs down the stairs, jumping over the last three. His father is waiting for him by the door, jacket in hand. "Let's go!"

His father laughs. "You need to put your jacket on," he says patiently, smiles at Katsuki's scowl.

"It's not that cold outside," Katsuki insists, grabs the jacket anyway and jabs his arms into the sleeves. As soon as the door opens, Katsuki tries to nonchalantly put his hands into his pockets. The air is cold enough that his cheeks redden immediately, but he refuses to admit any weakness.

His father smiles knowingly, but allows Katsuki as much dignity as a nearly five year old can handle, and together they walk to Deku's house. Auntie Inko has errands to run, so Katsuki's parents arranged for Deku to spend the entire weekend at their house. Katsuki nearly exploded his television with excitement when he found out. He ran around his room tidying it up (or, rather, hiding his mess in his closet and under his bed) and then hid his sketchbook because he doesn't want Deku to see it quite yet. He doesn't know what her errands are, exactly; he just knows it has something to do with Midoriya, and Katsuki promptly stopped caring.

Auntie Inko was worried at first, nervous and not wanting to be away from Deku for two whole days, but in the end, she decided to let it happen. In Katsuki's totally _not_ biased opinion, it was the best option. He doesn't think Deku's parents are going to get back together; he feels, personally, that Midoriya is a worthless coward and Deku and Auntie Inko are better off without him. But he also knows that if Midoriya came back into the picture, Deku would be happy, and that's all Katsuki wants.

That doesn't mean he has to accept Midoriya, though.

When they get to Deku's house, Katsuki lets himself in. He throws the door open, shouts "WE'RE HERE!" and makes a run for Deku's room. Deku is looking at his backpack, muttering over a list of things he'll need. Katsuki rolls his eyes, grabs the list from Deku.

"Kacchan!" Deku admonishes, but there's a smile on his face as he reaches for his list.

Katsuki grins, holds the list up. Deku's still shorter than him, giggles as he tries to grab his paper. "It's only for two days," Katsuki says. "You don't even need that much."

Deku pouts, and Katsuki didn't think it was possible but those green eyes got even _bigger_. "But," Deku whines, "what if I forget something important?"

Oh, for the love of All Might. Katsuki sighs, squints at the list in his hand. "I'll read it out loud, you check your bag," he demands, stomps over to Deku's bed and throws himself on it. They go through the list together, Katsuki critiquing Deku's packing of what he considers non-essentials and Deku pouting as he puts some of his things back in their proper places. They don't notice their parents in the doorway, Deku's mother recording their interaction with a small but mirthful smile on her face.

"Pajamas? Underwear?"

"Check!" Deku chirps, patting the aforementioned items.

"Toothbrush? You don't need toothpaste, Deku, put that back. What do you think we brush our teeth with?"

"Sorry," Deku mumbles, puts it back in the bathroom.

"And you won't need your uh-nah-luh-sis book, either. We're going to play games all weekend!"

Deku adamantly refuses to put back his stuffed bunny that Katsuki gave to him last Christmas. "He'll get lonely," Deku insists, firmly hugging it to his chest.

Katsuki flushes a deep red. He remembers insisting that his parents buy Deku the gift. The bunny is blood red, not dissimilar to Katsuki's scarlet eyes, and that's why he had wanted Deku to have it; so he could look at the rabbit and think of Katsuki. The rabbit is now worn out, obviously well loved. The stitching had to be repaired a few times because of Deku's enthusiastic hugs, and it has survived many trips to the washing machine.

"You don't need him!" Katsuki replies, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Deku gasps, horrified, and covers the rabbit's floppy ears. "King Explosion Murder will hear you!" he scolds.

Katsuki's cheeks burn fiercely. He'd been joking when he told Deku the rabbit's name, his hero name whenever they play Bakugou's Hero Agency, but Deku had accepted it (of course he did) and refuses to re-christen it.

"I…just… _fine_!" Katsuki splutters, turns away and just barely stopping himself from pouting. "Keep him for all I care."

Deku cheers, smiles widely at his victory. King Explosion Murder stays in the backpack.

Katsuki risks a glance at Deku's face, subconsciously smiles because Deku looks like he used to— _happy_.

"Are you both ready to leave?" his father asks from the doorway.

Katsuki whirls around to find him and Auntie Inko smiling at them. His ears burn. "You… _how long were you standing there?_ " he demands, his voice shrill as he points at them accusingly.

Auntie Inko giggles. "Long enough," she says, and Katsuki scowls.

"We're ready," Deku chirps happily. His mother hands him a sweater, his coat, a scarf, hat, and gloves, and Deku puts on the numerous layers without complaint. It is rather cold outside, Katsuki can privately admit that to himself, but he doesn't want to think of wearing that many clothes. Even if the gloves would be kind of nice.

Auntie Inko hands his father something that Katsuki recognizes as Deku's medicine bag. It has everything he needs, and it's frequently handed to their teachers at pre-school. She bends down, gives Deku a hug and kisses his cheek. "Be good, okay? I am just _one_ phone call away if you need me."

Deku endures all of this with a calm smile, which is amazing because Katsuki _hates_ it when his mother hovers like this. "I know, mama," Deku says serenely. "But I'll be fine. Kacchan and I are going to have tons of fun this weekend!"

"Y-Yeah," Katsuki echoes quietly. He glances at Deku, feels inexplicably warm. It humbles him, Deku's simple and unwavering faith in him.

Auntie Inko stands up, ruffles Katsuki's hair. He allows it with a small scowl. He actually likes having his hair played with, but that doesn't mean he wants just anyone running their hands through it. It's okay if Auntie Inko does it, though; her hands are soft, and she doesn't accidentally tug out a few strands like his mother did that one time. He winces at the memory, still recalls the stinging in his scalp. His mother had later remarked how high-pitched his screeching had been.

There's a taxi waiting outside for Auntie, and she gets in it with one last kiss to Deku and waves them all goodbye. Deku grabs his hand, curls his gloved hands around Katsuki's bare one to warm it up. Katsuki likes holding Deku's hand; it's a little smaller than his, feels nice in his palm.

As soon as they get to Katsuki's house, he's shedding his jacket as fast as he can. Deku has more layers to take off, and Katsuki gets impatient waiting, so he tugs off Deku's hat, unwraps the scarf from his neck, and starts putting his stuff in a semi-neat pile. Deku shrugs off his coat, and he actually goes to the coat closet to hang it up, unlike Katsuki who promptly tossed his own jacket on the back of the couch.

Katsuki sighs, rolls his eyes as he grabs his coat to hang it up as well. He knows his mom will do it, which is why he typically just leaves it lying haphazardly somewhere, but Deku is always neat and polite, and Katsuki refuses to be shown up in his own house even if that's not Deku's intention.

"Let's go play," he says, leads Deku up to his bedroom.

For a couple of hours, they play their favorite video game. Katsuki normally trounces Deku, but Deku is a crazy fast learner, and soon they're both losing and winning in equal measure. It doesn't upset him like it normally would. Instead, Katsuki's grin becomes sharper, he cackles maniacally, and tries even harder to win. Deku is his rival in this game, his _equal_ , and then Deku lets out his own cackle that sounds surprisingly like All Might.

"Are you both alright?"

Katsuki turns to see his mother at the doorway, arms crossed, eyebrow cocked, and her lips tugged into an amused smile. He scowls, opens his mouth to tell her to get out of his room when Deku says, "Don't underestimate me Kacchan!"

Katsuki's attention snaps back to where Deku uses Ms. Joke's special move to finish Katsuki's character. "Hag! You made me lose the game!" Katsuki huffs.

Deku giggles. "Thank you for the help, Auntie!"

His mother lets out a bark of laughter, then clucks her tongue and shakes her head. "Well, then, I guess if you don't want lunch…and it's such a shame, too…we were going to have your favorite spicy duck from that Thai place… Oh, well. I guess Izuku here can ea—"

"Deku doesn't like spicy food!" Katsuki retorts, already standing up and running out of his room.

Deku is still giggling furiously.

Katsuki stands on his chair, licks his lips eagerly as his father takes the food out of the plastic bag. Soon they are all seated at the table, and Katsuki quite happily digs into his food. Deku eats fried rice and dumplings at a much slower rate. The green-haired boy starts yawning into his food, blinking sleepily and slowing down even more. He can't finish his entire bowl of rice, ate only four of the six dumplings. Katsuki eyes him contemplatively; Deku is going to need a nap.

"Let's go lay down," Katsuki suggests as he devours his last bite.

"Wash your hands and face," his mother says.

Katsuki rolls his eyes. "I know," he says sullenly.

Deku stands up, rubs his eyes and yawns again. There's a few grains of rice stuck to his cheek, and Katsuki doesn't even know how he accomplished it but there's dumpling sauce in his hair. "Thank you for the meal," Deku says quietly with a smile.

"Yeah, yeah, thanks," Katsuki adds. He's about to lead them to his room when his father stops him.

"Izuku needs to take his medicine first," his father says.

Deku tries to put on a brave face, but he can't help but wince. Katsuki watches silently as his father prepares the medicine cup, watches as Deku drinks every drop even though he looks a little sick afterward. His mother hands Deku a cup of water, and Deku drains it in an attempt to get the taste out of his mouth.

Katsuki grabs Deku's hand and they walk up the stairs. They quietly wash their hands, Katsuki helps Deku get the sauce out of his hair, and then they're laying on their backs side by side on Katsuki's bed. Katsuki isn't particularly tired, but Deku's eyes are already half-closed.

"Kacchan?" Deku whispers, turns onto his side.

"Hm?" Katsuki also turns, faces Deku. "What's wrong?"

Deku looks at him, eyes sad, his earlier happiness and smiles gone. "Mama…she says that her and Papa are getting dih-vors-d."

Katsuki's brows furrow in confusion. He doesn't know that word. "They're what?"

"They won't be married anymore," Deku says quietly. He tears up a little, but then he fights the tears, his lips uncharacteristically twisted into a snarl. "I heard them on the phone. Papa says that he'll help pay for my medicine and the doctors, but you know what?"

Katsuki looks at Deku in slight surprise, not used to seeing this behavior in his gentler, crybaby friend. "What?"

"All I wanted was my Papa. I didn't want his money, I wanted _him_." Deku struggles to not cry, but he manages to blink away the tears. His voice is wrecked, but it is more angry than sad, which isn't what Katsuki was expecting.

Katsuki is the angry one, not Deku.

"I'm sorry," Katsuki murmurs.

Deku shuffles forward, buries his face in Katsuki's neck. Katsuki awkwardly pats Deku's back, still doesn't really know how to comfort someone. He thinks he does a good job of it, though, when Deku relaxes, tension disappearing from his back and shoulders. Deku's breathing slows down, and Katsuki is sure that the green-haired boy is asleep, but then Deku slurs, "You were right, Kacchan."

"I normally am," Katsuki says. "But which time are you talking about?"

Deku huffs a little laugh. His hair tickles Katsuki's chin a little. "Midoriya can go f-fuck himself," Deku whispers. His eyes close, and then he's asleep as if he didn't just drop such a huge bomb on Katsuki.

Katsuki's eyes are practically bulged out of his head, and he bites down on his lip to stop the hysterical laughter that wants to leave his mouth. He muffles the snorts that do manage to leave, his body trembles a little in mirth. Deku stays asleep, his breath hitching in small, light snores.

Deku cursing is, perhaps, the funniest thing Katsuki's heard. It's also evidence that Katsuki has corrupted the green-haired boy, something that his mother told Auntie Inko would happen, and Katsuki beams at the sleeping boy, pleased beyond measure. His own eyes have started drooping, and Katsuki thinks that, maybe, a nap would not be a bad idea at all.

Katsuki pulls Deku closer, falls asleep to the apple scent of the smaller boy's shampoo.

* * *

Katsuki wakes up from his nap feeling refreshed. Deku's still sleeping at his side, and he takes a second to marvel at how many freckles Deku has. Then he carefully extracts himself, uses his own pillow to give Deku to cuddle, and then wanders down the stairs. His nap was longer than he thought it would be, probably because he was so comfortable.

His father is in the kitchen, preparing ingredients to get dinner ready. Katsuki's really thankful because his mother's cooking tends to be hit-and-miss, and he doesn't want to eat a miss when Deku's spending the weekend. "Did you have a good nap?" his father asks.

Katsuki nods. His hair is even messier than usual, and he's got a drool spot on his shoulder from Deku. "What's for dinner?" he asks, grabbing his stool from underneath the kitchen sink and setting it up so that he's standing right next to his father.

"We thought that since Izuku is over, we could make his favorite—katsudon."

Katsuki smiles a little in approval. Deku loves katsudon; he knows that, if given the option, that's all the other boy would eat. Katsuki's not nearly as picky, just needs a bottle of some good, spicy hot sauce to fix anything to his liking. He eyes the ingredients laid out on the kitchen island. There's chicken, panko, eggs, onion, mirin, sake, and packets of bonito flakes and kombu.

"Can I help?" Katsuki asks.

His father blinks in surprise, but then smiles and pats his head. "Of course," he says pleasantly. "I already have the rice in the cooker, and I made the dashi stock earlier."

His father explains the recipe to him, shows him how to properly crack eggs. His father even lets Katsuki, very carefully under his watchful eye, slice the onion. Katsuki hadn't realized cooking could be fun, and he finds himself enjoying the time with his father. He gets to bread the chicken for frying, gets his fingers coated in egg and panko, and then he's helping his father carefully place the breaded chicken in the hot oil. It cracks and pops, sizzling, and the chicken is golden brown when they're finished cooking. Katsuki's chest puffs out in pride, nods to himself in satisfaction.

His father measures out the other ingredients they need and lets Katsuki pour them all into the pan. "It smells good," Katsuki comments, looks at the cooking food with his tummy grumbling.

His father laughs. "It sure does," he says. "It'll be ready soon. Do you want to go wake Izuku up?"

Katsuki nods, puts his stool back under the sink, and then races to his room. Deku is still sleeping where he left him, hugging the pillow and drooling on it. Katsuki jumps onto his bed, grins when Deku startles awake. "Dinner's almost done. I helped make it," he boasts.

Deku blinks sleepily at him, one hand rubbing his tummy. "I'm not really hungry," he whispers.

Katsuki frowns, disappointed. "Does your tummy hurt?"

Deku nods, closes his eyes. "Can you help me?"

Katsuki scoffs. "Are you really asking me that?" he grumbles. He crawls back onto the bed, already heating up his hand. It takes some maneuvering to get comfortable, but in the end Deku's back is against Katsuki's chest, and Katsuki rests his hand on Deku's tummy, making the green-haired boy sigh in relief. "Maybe you can try eating?"

Deku shrugs. "Maybe," he says. "I'm just…not super hungry…"

"It's katsudon," Katsuki bribes. "And I helped make it, so it's extra yummy."

"…well, maybe I could try it…"

Katsuki grins victoriously. "I thought you'd see it my way," he crows. He keeps rubbing Deku's tummy, says softly, "We'll go eat when you're ready, though. I don't need you barfing up my masterpiece."

Deku lets out a tired giggle. "Thanks, Kacchan."


	7. you're not alone

Chapter 7 – you're not alone

You're not alone  
Together we stand  
 **I'll be by your side  
** You know I'll take your hand  
Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On

Katsuki draws at least ten pictures of All Might a day. When he had initially started, he didn't know when he would finish, but he has a goal now: Christmas. He wants to give Deku his sketchbooks on Christmas, wants to see him leaf through them in awe and admiration. Deku will probably cry, but that's okay because Katsuki knows that they're not going to be sad or frustrated tears, like he's prone to doing now. No, Deku will cry because he will be so moved by his newfound collection of All Might.

But in order to make that goal, Katsuki had to sit down with his dad and figure out how many pictures he needed to draw per day. It was a little headache inducing, and Katsuki now firmly has a rather violent hatred of numbers, but he draws and draws and draws until his sketchbooks fill up. His parents buy him the next one before he finishes the last without complaint; they pat his head, whisper that he's a good friend, and leave him to it.

It ends up being more relaxing than he thought it would be, and it's easy to get lost in trying to draw the Number One hero. Snow falls outside, white, fluffy flakes that stick to the ground. It's perfect weather to build a snowman, maybe even have a snowball fight, but Katsuki finds himself somewhat annoyed with the weather - he enjoys playing outside, would prefer to run around in the park than stay inside playing video games. The competitive part of him would love to have a snowball fight, completely dominate any extras that would dare challenge him. It could be fun.

But Deku can't play in the snow.

Katsuki can't help but feel a little bitter and disappointed. There's a lot that Deku can't do now, and it's not even his fault, but that doesn't make it any better. Katsuki wants things to go back to the way they used to. Not to when he was mean to Deku, but rather when Deku could still run, jump, play.

Last winter they had an epic snowball fight. Midoriya was still there, had helped his mother create as many snowballs as they could. Auntie Inko and his father made sure they were evenly distributed, and then the war began. Even at three, Katsuki had rather formidable aim, and he was able to land four hits on Deku before getting pelted back.

They played long into the evening, the sun sinking down into the horizon. After the snowball fight, Auntie Inko made them hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream. The rich drink would settle in the pit of his stomach, warm him to his bones until the redness in his cheeks faded and he got the feeling back in his toes.

The best part, though, wasn't beating Deku at the snowball fight; it was the sleepover they had afterward. It was staying up late, way past their bedtime, whispering under the covers on Katsuki's bed. It was too dark to see each other, but they were huddled close enough that Katsuki could feel Deku's body radiating warmth.

And now it can't happen.

Katsuki scowls, accidentally makes a line too dark and has to erase it. He hates feeling this way because it almost seems like he's blaming Deku for having cancer, and that's ridiculous. They'll just…they'll have to figure out a different way to enjoy the season.

He finishes the drawing, colors it in. It's his best picture so far — All Might stands victorious over a villain, one fist on his hip, and the other hand pointing at the viewer. There are extras in the background, cheering with scribbled phrases all over the paper. They're generic phrases, and yet Katsuki knows that when Deku looks at them, he'll know what Katsuki is really trying to say.

"You did it!"

"You're the greatest!"

"You're so incredible!"

And All Might? All Might is smiling that fearless smile that Deku loves, and he says, "You're next."

Yes, it's his best picture so far. Deku's overactive tear ducts are really gonna get a workout when he sees Katsuki's gift.

"Katsuki? Are you almost done?"

Katsuki's head snaps up. His parents are standing at the doorway, but it was his mother that spoke. They have jackets on, and Katsuki immediately frowns because it's Saturday, it's two days before Christmas, and they're supposed to stay home all day and get ready.

"Are we going somewhere?" he demands, not able to keep the whine out of his voice.

His father stares at him apologetically. "We have to go down to the office for a couple of hours," he says. "It's a really important problem that we have to solve, otherwise we would let Akira handle it."

Akira is their assistant manager. She's okay, if a bit annoying, but Katsuki knows she has to be capable or his parents wouldn't give her the time of day. He doesn't know what's _sooooo_ important about clothes that his parents have to work, but he's not happy.

"Can't I just stay with Deku?"

His mother shakes her head, a small frown marring her face. "Izuku has an overnight visit at the hospital, remember?"

Katsuki scowls even harder. It irritates him; he hates the hospital, still can never fully get the image of Deku lying too small in a too big bed, still, sick, almost lifeless. And he knows there are important tests that have to be run, so they can make sure that Deku's cancer isn't getting worse, but that doesn't mean he's happy about it.

"I'm not done," he grumbles petulantly, crosses his arms and glares at the corner of his desk. He still has to decide whether the sky is going to be a daytime sky or a nighttime sky — incredibly important choices that cannot be made hastily.

His father walks up to him, ruffles his hair. "You can bring it with you," he says soothingly, rubs his neck in a way that he knows has a ninety-six percent chance of calming Katsuki down.

Katsuki can feel the tension in his shoulders leaving, and he heaves a sigh as he stands up. "Fine," he says, starts packing his art supplies.

His mother already has his jacket in hand, helps him put it on, and she smacks a loud kiss against his cheek. "You're a good boy, Kacchan," she says teasingly.

Katsuki rears back, wipes her lipstick from his face with a disgusted sneer. "Don't call me that," he says, eyes narrowed. "Nobody's allowed to call me that!"

"You mean nobody except Izuku?" his father asks, all smiles and innocence that Katsuki knows is fake.

His ears burn a bright red, almost as red as his eyes, and he huffs and stomps out of his room, ignoring their laughter.

The drive to the office is longer than usual; the snow on the ground has his father driving slowly, mainly because if his mother drove, they would probably slide into a lamppost. Her temper runs as hot as his, and after a couple of instances where her road rage nearly overpowered common sense, his father is now the elected driver.

His parents herd him into the building where they run their fashion business. He promptly throws himself onto the closest plump couch he can find, starts neatly laying out his art supplies with more care than normal. Katsuki looks up as the normally bubbly Akira launches into a nearly hysterical diatribe about the shipping company that 'dropped the ball' and other uninteresting garbage, her hair changing into a deep, blood red with jagged black streaks that has him blinking in surprise.

His mother takes charge soon enough, and then employees are all scrambling to meet her demands as his father gets on the phone to speak with said shipping company, his voice an interesting mix of polite condescension that contained a thread of anger he hasn't heard before.

Huh. So the old man can be kinda scary, too. That actually explains why his father never ran screaming for the hills when his mother started to aggressively pursue him.

Katsuki loses interest in the intricacies of his parents' business and returns to his drawing.

He's thinking of making it a daytime sky; he'd prefer night, thinks the dark colors will make All Might look like a more imposing figure, stronger, but Deku would probably like the way the brighter colors of daylight will make All Might look more approachable, heroic and compassionate.

He doesn't like teal, though, and he can only compromise so much. _Cerulean_ catches his eye, and he thinks it's perfect. He colors in the sky, his tongue sticking out as he eyes his drawing critically and tries to artistically add rays of sunlight. For hope, and happiness, and all that sappy garbage Deku just eats up.

Of course, it's when he's very carefully placing these rays that the ground gives a mighty shake and then starts trembling. He looks up in alarm, and the employees let out cries of shock. His mother is by his side in an instant, her hand clamped over his as she positions her body in front of his, not knowing what the threat is but knowing that it would have to go through her regardless.

Katsuki peaks out the window, and his eyes widen as he sees a villain. It's an interesting looking villain, body composed entirely of rock, and his arms are thrust outward, ripping chunks of bricks from the surrounding buildings. People are running around screaming, some slipping on the icy, snow-covered sidewalk, trying to avoid the falling bricks.

The villain is cackling, voice gravelly and rough. "FEAR THE BOULDER!" he intones.

Katsuki eyes the villain flatly. "Of all the names…" he mutters, wildly unimpressed.

This continues for nearly ten minutes, and then a louder voice booms out, "FEAR NOT! HOPE HAS ARRIVED, BECAUSE I AM HERE!"

Katsuki gasps, eyes bugging out. He instinctively moves to get closer to the window, is only stopped by his mother's protective hand clasped on his. "All Might," he whispers reverently. "Hag! Hag, it's All Might! He's here!"

He reaches into the pockets of his mother's jeans, fishes for her phone. She lets out a grunt of surprise but lets him, and he pulls it out with a triumphant little shriek. Katsuki fumbles with the phone, but manages to successfully open the camera and start recording. Deku is going to freak when he hears about this!

All Might makes quick work of the villain, stops The Boulder from completely obliterating the surrounding infrastructure. Katsuki gets it all on video, cheers his favorite hero on and whoops and hollers. The police get there, and The Boulder is taken away from the scene in a flash of lights.

All Might stays behind to talk to a reporter; even from inside the building, Katsuki can still hear his booming voice.

His scarlet eyes stray to his abandoned sketchbook, and they light up as the idea forms in his head. Katsuki grabs the sketchbook, holds it close to his chest, and he tugs on his mother's arm, "Hag! Hag! Can I get his autograph?"

She frowns a little. "I don't know, Katsuki, it's pretty cold outside."

Katsuki turns wide, pleading eyes at his mother. "Hag, I _need_ it!"

His mother sighs, but her lips turn upward a little, and he knows he's got her. She turns to get their coats, but stops suddenly. Katsuki, who had been following her, bumps into her back with a small _oof_.

"Here I am, coming through the door!" All Might says as he walks into the building. The employees break out into hushes whispers, some looking at the hero in awe. They get back to work, though, puttering about here and there.

Katsuki damn near shits himself.

His father brushes some snow off himself, walks over to the coffee pot in the corner of the office. He pours some in a mug and offers it to the Number One hero, who thanks him exuberantly.

So, yeah, Katsuki hasn't been giving his father _nearly_ enough credit.

His mother moves to the side, places a warm hand on Katsuki's back and nudges him forward.

Katsuki swallows thickly, his mouth suddenly dry and his tongue too big. When he doesn't say anything, his mother introduces him.

All Might crouches, but even still he towers over Katsuki. "Hello, young man," All Might says loudly.

Katsuki is star-struck, blinks dazedly, and then he's thrusting his sketchbook in front of All Might's face. "Can you sign this?" he blurts out.

All Might laughs heartily. He flips open the book, accepts the marker Katsuki's father passes him, and then he freezes. He starts flipping through the book, stares with no small amount of fascination at all of the colorful pictures of himself. "Bakugou-shounen, this is…this is incredible," he says, awestruck.

"It's for my best friend," Katsuki explains. "Do you know the story of a thousand paper cranes?"

All Might blinks. "I do."

"Deku has cancer," Katsuki says quietly. He stares at All Might, is encouraged by the hero's eyes softening in empathy, compassion, and _understanding_. "And I didn't want to fold a thousand paper cranes, cuz that's just stupid. But you…you're the Number One hero. I thought if I drew a thousand pictures of you…I know it won't cure him, but if _anything_ could make him feel better, it's you."

All Might looks at him with slightly wet eyes. "I'm honored," he says thickly, "and humbled. You've really moved me, Bakugou-shounen."

Katsuki's face flushes. He doesn't know what to say; his idol is right here in front of him, praising him. He reaches over, flips to the front cover. "His name is Izuku, but I call him Deku," he says quietly. "Deku, like _dekiru_ ," he adds, because it's an important distinction to make.

All Might smiles, and starts to write. Katsuki is expecting a generic signature, but it looks like All Might is actually writing a message to Deku, and that makes him smile. "Do you want to be a hero, Bakugou-shounen?"

Katsuki nods immediately. "It's everything me and Deku ever wanted," he says seriously. "My quirk is explosion! Deku doesn't have a quirk, but if— _when_ he gets better, he'll be the first quirkless hero!"

"That's…you're a good friend." All Might pauses, his expression considering, and then he ruffles Katsuki's hair, which Katsuki promptly decides he's never washing again. "This is a wonderful thing to give your friend, but you know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think your friend would like it more if you drew the both of you as heroes."

Katsuki blinks, startled. He hadn't thought of that before, and now that he's entertaining the idea, yeah, Deku would like that. "I will," he promises.

The hero ruffles his hair again, and Katsuki flushes. Yeah, never washing his hair again. He will fight his mother on this.

"Now, why don't we take a picture together?"

Katsuki thinks he died and his soul is ascending to heaven this moment. A picture with All Might? He grins widely and nods his head as fast as he can. His father moves to take the picture, and at first Katsuki thinks All Might will stay crouched next to him. Instead, the hero lifts him up as he stands and sits Katsuki on his shoulders. Katsuki feels like he's on top of the world, and he beams as his father snaps a few photos.

The moment is over as quickly as it had come, but he'll never forget it. Deku is going to be so jealous.

* * *

On Christmas morning, Katsuki wakes up obscenely early. He stays in bed for a few moments, blinks the sleep out of his eyes. With a yawn, he stands up, shuffles down the stairs to the kitchen. His parents are still sleeping, and he doesn't wake them. Instead, he drags a chair all over the kitchen, and he does his best to make them a simple breakfast. He doesn't have a whole lot to work with, still isn't allowed to use the stove by himself and doesn't want to burn down the kitchen trying, so he pops slices of bread into the toaster and slathers the toast in jam and butter, pours his parents' favorite cereals into their bowls. He looks in the refrigerator thoughtfully, grabs the leftover Thai food from dinner last night and microwaves it. He also throws in a couple of apples for good measure, surveys the food and nods at a job well done.

He's got this cooking thing down.

It's a huge challenge to balance everything on a tray, but Katsuki pretends he's on a vitally important mission, and dropping the tray will mean the total destruction of all of mankind. It takes longer than he'd like, but he manages to make it all the way upstairs and to his parents' bedroom with only a little milk sloshing over the bowl. Their room is thankfully open, something he hadn't thought about prior to his world-saving mission, and he strides in with a loud, "OI! HAG! OLD MAN! GET UP!"

Their looks of surprise are vaguely insulting, but it's a holiday, so he's willing to let it slide. "Thank you, Katsuki," his father says warmly.

His mother is more physical with her affections. She grabs him and pulls him into her lap, smothering him in kisses that he futilely tries to block with his hands. It doesn't help that sometimes she reaches a ticklish spot that leaves him snorting and giggling.

"Stop," he complains, but his voice is breathy and squeaky. "Enough!"

When she finally stops, his cheeks are flushed and his sides ache a little. "Aw, my little brat, you do care!"

Katsuki scowls, crosses his hands in front of his chest. "See if I ever do it again," he grumbles. He wipes his cheeks where she got her old lady slobber on him. He looks outside, grins at the still falling snow. "It's Christmas!" he says. "Hurry up and eat so we can go to Deku's house!"

"It'll be some time before that happens," his father warns.

"Wha—? Why?" Katsuki pouts.

"It's the butt crack of dawn, Katsuki." His mother's tone is deadpan as she stares at him flatly.

Katsuki huffs, stomps off to his room to get more sleep. If he's not even going to get to go over to Deku's house now, there's no point in being awake. He doesn't remember falling asleep; rather, it feels like one minute he's staring out the window at the dusky sky, and then he blinks and the sun is shining brightly in his face.

There are arms wrapped around him, and that's weird as fuck because who could possibly be—?

Katsuki turns over. Deku is in his bed, giggling softly. The light hits his face in such a way that Katsuki is temporarily awestruck. There's a comfortable silence, and for a moment Katsuki can almost see this becoming almost like a routine. He can picture them lying in bed when they're as ancient as their parents, can see Deku giggling and smiling and happy. Cancer-free.

"You look like a kitty, Kacchan," Deku whispers.

Katsuki scowls. "Lion," he amends, because damn it, he's ferocious.

Deku just giggles, leans forward to bump their noses together. It's a brief touch, feather-light, but Katsuki feels like he was maybe hit by a bolt of lightning. "Merry Christmas, Kacchan."

"Merry Christmas, Deku," he whispers back, and for a few moments they just lay in bed, cuddling, basking in the soft warmth of the sunlight. Katsuki brushes their noses again, but he stays there, feels his eyes get heavy again. He wants to give Deku his super special gift, but it's like he's floating. He's awake enough to feel Deku hold his hands underneath the covers, to feel Deku reposition himself so that the green-haired boy's face is buried in Katsuki's neck. Katsuki isn't sure if he should fight the lure of sleep, but Deku's scent is so calming that he knows he wouldn't win even if he tried.

 _Later_ , he thinks, as his eyes slowly drift shut. _I'll give it to him later._


	8. under the surface

It feels like there's oceans  
Between me and you once again  
We hide our emotions  
Under the surface and tryin' to pretend  
 **But it feels like there's oceans  
** **Between you and me  
** Seafret – Oceans

The next time he wakes up, Katsuki is more prepared to see Deku next to him. They're not cuddling as close as they were; Deku seems to have moved a little, no longer clinging to him like a koala. The green-haired boy is still asleep, soft snores escaping his slightly open mouth, a thin trail of drool dripping onto the pillow. Katsuki looks at his shirt and, sure enough, there's a blotch of Deku's drool on it. It should gross him out but he actually doesn't care.

His eyes are drawn to Deku's freckles again, resists the urge to count them. He doesn't know why he's so fascinated by the damn freckles, but he does know that Deku would look weird as hell without them.

Katsuki stretches like a cat, complete with almost purring noises. A tired giggle lets him know that Deku is waking up.

"It's Christmas," Katsuki says excitedly. "And I have a present for you!"

He goes to get up, but Deku grabs onto his arm and whines, "No, Kacchan!"

Katsuki frowns. "You don't want my present?" That better not be it because he worked damn hard on it. As a matter of fact, it wouldn't matter if Deku didn't want it — he's gonna get it regardless.

Deku shakes his head. "It's so cold, and you're so _warm_."

Katsuki rolls his eyes. "It's not that cold," he says, and he extracts himself from Deku's octopus grip and gets out of bed, ignoring Deku's grumbles of displeasure.

He walks over to his closet where he had carefully hid the present yesterday. His father got the box to put all of the sketchbooks in, and his mother helped him wrap it neatly. But Katsuki stuck the bow on it all by himself, thank you very much, and he even wrote, " _To: Deku, From: Kacchan_ " on it. His handwriting has gotten a lot better, more legible, and he is beyond proud of himself for it.

The wrapping paper is little cartoon figures of All Might, naturally, and the bow is a nice emerald green that reminded Katsuki of Deku's eyes.

The box isn't terribly heavy, but he's not sure if Deku would be able to lift it with how tired he gets, so he slides it out of the closet and drags it across the floor to his bed.

Deku has turned himself into a burrito with Katsuki's blanket, the only part of him visible is his eyes. He stares at Katsuki with slightly narrowed eyes, his lower lip prominently jutting out in a pout, his cheeks puffed up with air. He looks like a chipmunk.

Katsuki snorts. "Come on, Deku, you know you want your present."

Deku huffs. "Kacchan is a meanie," he replies quietly, but his tone is soft and playful.

"Well, then, I guess if you have enough in your All Might collection…"

Deku springs up, almost tumbles off the bed in a flurry of tangled limbs and squeals. Katsuki is there to help him, though, and he snickers. The green-haired boy somehow got himself more tangled up than should be possible, and they spend a good two minutes trying to unravel the mummified Deku.

When they finally do, Deku crouches by the box and begins to slowly, painstakingly, peel the tape off. Katsuki rolls his eyes, knows Deku is gonna take a while to preserve the wrapping paper, because of course he is, so he goes about making his bed. He straightens the sheets, plumps the pillows, and does his best to fold the blanket. It's a big blanket, though, and he's still too damn short to fold it standing up the way the old hag does it.

But, not to brag, Katsuki is a genius, so he lays the blanket on the bed and runs around it, tossing that side of the sheet to the middle, folding this top to the bottom. He's almost done when he pauses, frowns, squints his eyes to take a look.

It looks like…Deku's hair?

There's quite a few strands of green curls woven in the sheets, and Katsuki looks at Deku's head. It doesn't look like there's that much missing, but Katsuki knows that curly mop holds a lot of hair, so maybe this is normal? It's just weird because he can't remember Deku shedding this much before?

With an uneasy shrug, he finishes folding the blanket, lays it neatly at the foot of the bed.

"Kacchan…"

He turns at the sound of Deku's voice, barely a whisper. Deku is holding the very first sketchbook he'd finished, the one he started just after his first therapy session. The drawings aren't bad, but they're not as good as the one he finished just the other day. Katsuki hadn't realized how much he'd improved.

Deku softly runs his fingers over that first drawing, chases the lines of All Might's cape, takes in all the colors.

"Look at the inside of the cover," Katsuki says.

Deku flips to the inside cover, reads the message Katsuki had scrawled with tears in his eyes. It's a simple message, nothing fancy or super important. It reads:

 _A long time ago, people used to fold one thousand paper cranes to wish someone good health. Cranes are stupid, and they won't help you, but All Might is the best super hero ever. He saves people with a fearless smile. Maybe one thousand pictures of All Might will give you the strength to keep fighting. Remember our promise._

"Oh, Kacchan…" Deku sniffles, but the tears run down his face and he hugs the book fiercely to his chest. Katsuki reaches into the box for the last sketchbook, and he flips to the page with All Might's autograph and message.

"I met All Might a couple of days ago," Katsuki says. "And I got him to sign this book for you."

Deku gasps, a loud and somewhat wet sound, and he takes the book with shaky hands. His eyes are leaking, but they're wide with amazement. All Might's message is a lot better than Katsuki's, but that's okay. He's not strong enough to usurp his Number One hero position yet, but one day.

 _To my bravest fan,_

 _Bakugou-shounen says that you both want to be heroes when you grow up. All heroes need to eat their vegetables, so they can grow big and strong. Don't forget to do a good deed every day. Sleep is very important for anybody, not just aspiring heroes. Having friends that you can really trust is a blessing, and you are both lucky to have found each other so young in life._

 _Cancer is a terrible burden to have, especially for one so young, but remember this: When it rains, look for rainbows. When it's dark, look for stars. Your illness does not define you; your strength, and your courage does._

 _I will be rooting for you, young hero. If there is anything you need, and it is within my power, do not hesitate to contact my office._

 _Here's to you — steadier, stronger, and better every day,_

 _All Might_

Deku tackles Katsuki with a sob, wraps his arms fiercely around the blond and just clings to him. Katsuki lets him, hugs him back. Damn it, he's actually tearing up, his own lip quivering, and he's not sure why he's crying, too. Glancing at All Might's kind words, his encouragement, Katsuki feels a little more at peace. His lifelong dream and ambition has been validated by his idol; there isn't much more he can ask for.

"He's the greatest hero ever," Deku says quietly, still sniffling.

"Y-Yeah." The word is surprisingly difficult to get out, but Katsuki clears his throat and that too-tight feeling eases up a bit.

"When I get better, I'm still going to be a hero." It's said with conviction, with more strength and determination that's reminiscent of the old Deku.

It makes him happy because ever since Deku got cancer, he's been saying 'if' like he's not going to beat this, like the outcome of this battle has already been decided. And yeah, Katsuki knows Deku could die. His heart clenches at the thought, but he knows it's a possibility, okay? But why does knowing about the possibility have to mean that he always has to acknowledge it? Why can't he just say _when_ Deku gets better, and do everything within his power to encourage Deku to strive for that _when_?

"You're going to be a great hero," Katsuki agrees. "The best Number Two hero there ever was."

There's a moment of silence as Deku slowly extracts himself from Katsuki's grip, levels the blond with the blandest, most deadpan look in his arsenal. Katsuki grins at him, unrepentant, because yeah, Deku's his best friend and he's great, but Katsuki is obviously still going to be Number One. That's a no-brainer right there.

"…I might just have to keep your present for myself," Deku says, his lower lip tugged in a pout.

Katsuki sits up eagerly. "What'd you get me?" he demands, rubs his hands together gleefully.

Deku crosses his arms in front of his chest, turns away with his nose in the air. "I don't think you'll need it, Mr. Number One hero," he says sarcastically. Katsuki would be impressed with Deku's snark if his gift wasn't at stake.

"Dekuuuuuuuuuu," he whines. "I gave you _All Might_."

Deku's expression softens, smiles wistfully. "You did," he agrees, "and there's no way I can compete with that."

"You could never compete with me." When Deku whacks him over the head, Katsuki laughs and says, "This isn't a competition, nerd. I'll like whatever you got me."

"Are you sure?" Deku fidgets with his hands.

Katsuki rolls his eyes. "Well, duh. It's from _you_." This is obvious to Katsuki, but Deku stiffens, like that was something he hadn't known was possible, and then melts happily. The green-haired boy stands up, reaches a hand out to Katsuki to help him up.

It's so funny how that action nearly made Katsuki seethe with an apoplectic rage all those months ago, and now… Now he knows Deku isn't looking down on him. He's not offering his hand because he thinks Katsuki is inferior to him, or even because he thinks Katsuki _needs_ the help. He's offering his hand because he wants to help, because he wants to take a small burden away from Katsuki, because he's Deku.

Katsuki takes the hand, and Deku helps him up and leads him to Katsuki's living room. Their parents are already there, chatting quietly over mugs of coffee. Katsuki feels his stomach grumble, and he remembers that he woke up at 'the butt crack of dawn' to make his parents breakfast, but he didn't get himself anything to eat.

"Well, there's our sleepy heads!" his mother says.

Auntie Inko smiles at them. "Izuku, are you feeling better after your nap?"

Deku nods his head happily. "I'm giving Kacchan his present now!"

"Oh, I'm sure _Kacchan_ will love it," his mother says, smiling slyly. Katsuki regrets feeding her.

Deku presents him with his gift. The wrapping paper is a little lumpy, but Deku took great care to write 'Kacchan' as neat as he could. Katsuki has none of the finesse that Deku had, just rips into his gift with great exuberance. There are a couple of books stacked in a short pile. The first book is a book about different martial arts styles, similar to his favorite book at the pre-school. The other is another 'uh-nah-luh-sis' book, but when he flips it open, he sees it full to the brim with notes on _his_ quirk. Deku even drew pictures of potential costumes he could have, and there are notes on the different ways explosions could be used!

A sheet of paper falls out, and Katsuki picks it up. He can't read well enough, so he presents it to his mother. "What's it say?" he demands.

His mother gives him a look, but she clears her throat and says, "It's a voucher for lessons at the Tae-Kwon-Do Academy."

Martial arts?!

Katsuki lets out the victory yell before he's even aware of it, whooping and hollering, and then he hugs Deku and lifts him up. Deku squeals in excitement, and the atmosphere in the room is relaxed, full of joy and promise and hope.

"Don't forget to thank Auntie Inko," his father reminds him.

Auntie Inko smiles. "You've been such a good friend to Izuku that we just wanted to show you some of our appreciation," she says gently. "And Izuku thought you might like something that will help you with your hero career."

Katsuki hugs her, too. Not as tight or as long, but enough that she understands how happy he is. "Thank you, Auntie," he says. His stomach growls then, and he fixes his parents with an expectant stare. "I'm hungry," he says bluntly.

His mother laughs at his insolence, but she walks into the kitchen to fix some food.

The rest of the day is spent lazily. Deku takes frequent naps, but when he's awake, they play video games and stuff their faces with sweets that Auntie Inko makes. Katsuki's chocolate is the perfect amount of spicy that he stuffs as many pieces into his mouth as he can handle, smiles wide to show his brown teeth when his father takes a picture.

There's a lot of pictures taken, even some video recordings.

And even though they can't go outside and play in the snow, Katsuki can't help but feel that this is the best Christmas ever.

* * *

Of course, everything doesn't go topsy-turvy right away. The months slowly crawl by, the snow melts, and soon enough the weather is warm enough that he and Deku can play outside in short bursts. It's almost his birthday, and Katsuki is excited. His quirk has gotten a lot stronger than last year, and he knows that if he keeps practicing, the title of Number One hero will be his by the time he graduates from high school.

Deku greets the New Year with that newfound confidence of his. Katsuki knows that Deku carts around at least one of the sketchbooks with him whenever he has a doctor's appointment. The thought warms him, and he's also a little glad that Deku stopped bringing King Explosion Murder because thinking about that rabbit makes his cheeks blush horribly with embarrassment.

Katsuki takes All Might's advice and starts drawing them as heroes. He and Deku brainstorm for hours, and there are many, many drafts of what their hero costumes look like. The final products look great, in his oh so humble opinion.

Katsuki's hero costume really plays on his _Explosion_ quirk. It consists of a black tank-top with a bright red 'x' on the front, black cargo pants, a standard utility belt, combat boots, and he even included some cool looking steel-plated fingerless gloves that look like grenades. "Because I can explode," Katsuki explains to Deku. He's not exactly lying, but he's not completely truthful either. He really does want to play on that explosion theme, and if the particular shade of green matches Deku's eyes, nobody but him has to know.

Deku's hero costume is a little different. It looks a little like All Might's costume, with a deep blue cape, but he's also wearing a bright red suit, oversized white gloves, and those red sneakers he loves. (Katsuki won't tell him, but the different shades of red are a bit of an eye sore. Fashionable Deku is not.)

Katsuki draws them until he feels happy with how neat it turns out, and then he gets the great idea to draw their future adventures together as a manga. He knows Deku is going to love it, can't wait to show it to him.

He works on the first manga page for two weeks, and the next time he goes over to Deku's house, he is brimming with excitement.

But now that his mother dropped him off at Deku's house, now that he's making his way to Deku's room, Katsuki can't help but feel a little uneasy.

He shakes it off, walks into Deku's room. The green-haired boy is playing video games. It's strangely reminiscent to the first time Katsuki came over after finding out Deku had cancer, back when Midoriya was still hanging around.

Katsuki sits next to Deku on the bean bag chair, watches him play for a few moments.

Deku says nothing, continues to stare at the screen without acknowledging Katsuki at all.

Not his customary, "Hi, Kacchan!"

No, "Wanna play with me, Kacchan?"

Nothing.

Something is wrong.

"Deku?" Katsuki asks, feeling unusually hesitant. Deku stays quiet. "Deku, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Deku says shortly. His voice is off, almost strangled.

"What's wrong?" Katsuki presses.

"Just…just leave it, Kacchan."

Katsuki frowns. He hesitates, but then squares his shoulders. He reaches up, ruffles Deku's hair like his father does to him sometimes. Katsuki isn't expecting the clumps of hair that fall out, stares at them in horrified fascination. His wide scarlet eyes look at Deku's head, and he sees a couple of bald spots where the hair fell out. Deku looks a little like a plucked chicken.

"I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE IT ALONE!" Deku shrieks angrily, stands up and throws down his controller. His eyes are full of tears, but he's glaring at Katsuki in a way that makes him actually feel really small.

"I didn't mean to," Katsuki tries to defend.

Deku doesn't listen, fists clenched at his sides. "WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST LISTEN?!"

"It was an accident! It's not my fault!" Katsuki says, angry that Deku is screaming at him.

"GET OUT!" Deku yells. He sobs hard, points at his door. "JUST LEAVE!"

Katsuki is stunned for a few moments, but then he stands up angrily. "Fine," he spits out, reaches into his bag and throws the sketchbook at the floor in front of Deku's feet.

He storms down the stairs. His mother and Auntie Inko are waiting, staring at him with concern.

"Katsuki, what happened?" his mother asks.

Katsuki throws himself into her arms, cries out, "I want to go home!" His voice is muffled as he sobs into her stomach, clenches her shirt in his fists. "Mom, please, I want to go home!"

His mother rubs soothing circles in his back, and then she's picking him up. He doesn't fight her, sniffles miserably as she says her goodbyes to Auntie Inko.

They leave, and Katsuki cries bitter tears, unable to get Deku's angry, anguished face from his mind.


	9. i'll help you carry on

Chapter 9 – i'll help you carry on

 **Lean on me, when you're not strong  
** And I'll be your friend  
I'll help you carry on  
For it won't be long  
'Til I'm gonna need  
Somebody to lean on  
Bill Withers - Lean On Me

Dr. Kishimoto stares at him.

Katsuki stares back, arms crossed, unwilling to do much else. He doesn't want to be here, keeps his mouth firmly shut as if that will make the reality of his presence on this couch less real. He's also feeling particularly stubborn today and wants to see how Dr. Kishimoto will react.

Dr. Kishimoto is a professional, however, and so she simply smiles at him. "I heard you had an argument with Izuku," she says conversationally.

Katsuki grits his teeth, glares at her before he directs the heat of his stare at the wall instead. "I don't want to talk about it," he nearly hisses.

"…okay," she agrees with a smile.

Katsuki's jaw drops. That's…that's it? She's not going to make him? Not going to keep asking questions, or pressing for answers? "Huh?" he says, terribly confused.

Dr. Kishimoto shrugs. "I can't make you talk about something you don't want to," she says. "We can find other, more important things to do with our time in today's session."

Katsuki bristles like an angry cat. He narrows his eyes at her, then shrugs violently. "I didn't mean to hurt him," he grits out. His eyes water a little, and he angrily brushes them away. "I just wanted to make sure he was okay, and he started yelling at me."

"And how did you hurt Izuku?"

"It wasn't my fault!" Katsuki immediately defends. "I just…my dad does it all the time, and I thought it might help him feel better! But when I touched his hair, some of it came out! But it's not like I _pulled_ it out, so I don't know why he's so angry with me. I did nothing wrong!"

There's a moment of silence.

Dr. Kishimoto's face doesn't change, remains calm and collected. "Sometimes the medication that cancer patients take, called chemotherapy, can cause symptoms, or make the patient's body react in certain ways. Have you seen Izuku's medicine make his body react in a particular way?"

Katsuki's eyebrows furrow in surprise and confusion. "You mean…like when the medicine makes his belly hurt?"

Dr. Kishimoto nods. "Yes, I mean exactly like that," she says. "Sometimes, the medicine can even cause cancer patients to lose all of their hair."

"So…so his hair fell out because of his medicine?" Katsuki feels oddly relieved at hearing that. He knew Deku's hair falling out wasn't his fault, but a part of him worried that he had somehow been the cause of it, and that's resulted in quite a few restless nights.

"It did," Dr. Kishimoto says softly. "And I know it might seem silly, but sometimes losing hair can make cancer patients feel anxious, sad, scared, and even angry."

Katsuki thinks back to Deku screaming at him, frowns. "But _I_ didn't do anything," he says again, feels his own frustration and anger rising. "He didn't have to yell at _me_!"

"No, he shouldn't have," she agrees. "But sometimes, when our emotions overwhelm us, we don't always handle them very well, and sometimes we can even be mean to the people that are closest to us."

Katsuki angrily scrubs at his leaking eyes. "That doesn't make it right," he says bitterly.

"No, it doesn't. And I'm sure when he's had a chance to calm down, he will feel sorry for yelling at you. Just like I'm sure there have been times when you have been sorry for saying something you probably shouldn't have."

Katsuki wants to deny it, but he can't. "I was just trying to help…" he complains, his lower lip wobbling. "It's not fair."

Dr. Kishimoto offers him a small, sympathetic smile. "It's not fair, and you should tell him that."

Katsuki sniffles. "I should tell him what?"

"Tell him how you feel," she says. "Be honest."

"I…we haven't talked in forever," Katsuki admits. "And I…should I do that?"

"Why shouldn't you?" Dr. Kishimoto counters.

Katsuki shrugs his shoulders awkwardly. "Because I used to be mean to him," he admits quietly. "And because he's sick? Does it…he's…" He cuts himself off, frustrated.

"Yes?"

"Does it even matter?" Katsuki asks.

Dr. Kishimoto leans back against the couch. "Your feelings are valid," she says softly, "so, yes, it matters. And I understand that with Izuku being sick, you might feel like your concerns and worries are not as serious as his. But, Katsuki, that doesn't mean you should let him be mean to you any more than you being mean to him."

Katsuki flushes angrily. He doesn't know what to do. "Okay," he says because he doesn't know what else there is to say.

Dr. Kishimoto eyes him. "Sometimes we have to decide whether it's more important to be right, or to be sorry," she says. "I don't mean that you should apologize, but maybe you should think about your friendship with Izuku is important, and if, maybe, this is something that you can forgive him for."

The rest of the session is spent in near silence, with Katsuki contemplating her words but not speaking up again. He…he didn't like Deku yelling at him, still thinks of it with a pang in his chest. It hurt, a lot more than he thought it ever would. But does he think it hurts enough to stop him from being friends with Deku?

" _…staying friends with Izuku while he goes through this could hurt you in ways that I can't protect you from._ "

That's what his mother had said, months ago. Katsuki hadn't understood her then.

He wishes he still didn't understand her.

He's quiet on the car ride home, stares out the window despondently. He knows his parents are worried about him, but he can't help feeling listless. His birthday is in two weeks, and it might be the first where him and Deku aren't on speaking terms.

Were his hurt feelings enough to stop him and Deku from being friends?

No.

No, they weren't. Not a chance in hell.

Katsuki can't imagine life without Deku, doesn't want to start now.

"Hag," he says quietly, "can you help me with something?"

* * *

Katsuki is in his room, laying on his bed and reading a comic book when Deku walks in.

He's so surprised that for a few moments, he just stares. But when the surprise leaves him, Katsuki continues to stare impassively at the other boy. He doesn't want to talk about his _feelings_ , about the entire argument. It's bad enough that his parents made him talk with Dr. Kishimoto. Katsuki isn't even entirely sure what he wants, to be honest.

He wants to make up with Deku, to apologize. ( _But he didn't even start the fight, why should he be the one to apologize?_ )

He wants to stay mad at Deku for yelling at him. ( _But he keeps thinking about the pain, the anguish on the green-haired boy's face._ )

He wants to ignore Dr. Kishimoto's words. ( _But she has a point, and Katsuki hates the truth when it's something he doesn't want to hear._ )

He wants to take Dr. Kishimoto's advice. ( _But he doesn't know how, feels lost and so alone._ )

Katsuki is a jumbled mix of emotions, and it feels like he's being pulled in a million different directions. He reads his comic books to take his mind off things (doesn't draw, hasn't picked up a pen since he threw his sketchbook at Deku's feet) and for the most part it helps. Kind of.

Not really.

But Deku looks like he hasn't taken the separation any better. He looks like he hasn't slept in a while; there are bags under his swollen, puffy eyes. He looks like he's curling a little in on himself, like he used to whenever he thought Katsuki would make little explosions in his face. Deku is wearing a soft looking cap, not a strand of green hair in sight. Katsuki doesn't know if the rest of it fell out, can't really tell.

He hates the awkward silence that descends upon them.

It doesn't last long. Deku speaks up, warbles out, "Kacchan, I'm sorry." He's already crying, sniffling as the tears drip down his face. "I d-didn't mean to y-yell at you. That was r-really m-m- _mean_ of me, and I'm _sorry_!"

Deku starts crying in earnest, and Katsuki finds that he can't keep his cool façade. He sighs softly, stands up and envelopes the other boy in a hug. Deku's breath hitches, and then he's squeezing Katsuki tightly, wetting the fabric of Katsuki's shirt. Katsuki feels his throat tightening, his own eyes becoming glossy, and he clears his throat a little.

 _Be honest with him_ , Dr. Kishimoto had said.

"You…really hurt my feelings," Katsuki admits softly. "I didn't mean to make you sad, or angry."

Deku cries harder, shakes his head. "It's my fault," he says miserably. He pulls away a little, paws at the swollen, reddened flesh of his eyes. "Mama said…she said I might l-lose my hair, and I th-th-thought it would be fine. Because it's just _hair_. But then…then it s-started falling out, and now it's…it's _real_. I'm really _sick_ , Kacchan…I'm really, really sick…"

Katsuki says nothing as Deku hugs him again, feels the shorter boy's nails dig into his sides a little. He closes his eyes and viciously bites his lip to stop his own tears from falling.

When they pull away, Deku's face is a swollen mess. Katsuki is sure that he's not much better.

"Let me see," he says quietly.

Deku stiffens, shakes his head vigorously. "I don't…I don't want _anyone_ to see," he says, panicked.

"I'm not anyone, Deku," Katsuki replies. He uses his sleeve to blot some of Deku's tears dry. "I'm Kacchan," he says, "and we made a promise, remember? Together, no matter how hard it gets."

Deku's lower lip trembles, and he looks torn in his indecision. He reaches up with trembling fingers, touches the brim of his cap and then sort of freezes. Katsuki reaches up, slowly so Deku can push him away if he needs to. When his hand is hovering just over Deku's, he hooks their pinkies together. He leans forward until their foreheads touch, maintaining eye contact, and he brushes his nose with Deku's.

Deku's entire body seems to tremble, but then his little shoulders square up. Katsuki offers him a small smile, holds his hand, and together they push back the soft black cap.

There are patches of his curly green hair missing, allowing bits of his bald head to peak through. He doesn't look _bad_ necessarily, just different. Deku averts his gaze, wilts a little under Katsuki's scrutiny as if Katsuki is disgusted with Deku's new appearance. But Katsuki hasn't ever been nor will ever be disgusted with Deku. He brushes their noses again.

"You still look like Deku," he whispers in the dead silence of his room.

Deku flinches a little, reaches up to touch a bald spot. "I don't feel like Deku," he admits quietly. He looks at Katsuki's face, at Katsuki's spiky blond locks, and his shoulders slump, defeated.

Katsuki frowns a little, but then he nods his head. "I don't understand what that feels like," he confesses. They're quiet for a few moments, and then his scarlet eyes catch their reflections in the mirror on the back of his bedroom door. And then an idea pops into his head, and he knows what he needs to do. "Do you trust me?"

Deku blinks at him, confused. "Huh? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Do you trust me, Deku? Yes or no?" Katsuki insists.

"Of course I do," Deku says. He sounds almost a little exasperated, and that makes Katsuki smile because anything is better than the sad, depressed tone he's has.

"I have an idea," Katsuki says. "And I'm not going to tell you what it is."

Deku frowns. "But why—"

"Nope!" Katsuki covers Deku's mouth, almost laughs when the other boy pouts, puffs his cheeks angrily like a gerbil. "You said you trusted me, so you'll have to wait and see. Okay?"

Deku looks at him, stares at him for almost an uncomfortably long amount of time, but then he's nodding his head. Katsuki smiles widely, grabs his hand and leads him downstairs where he whispers his plan in his father's ear.

* * *

Deku hesitates when they get to the barber shop, but that's okay. Katsuki holds his hand, waits patiently for Deku to stop his anxious mumbling.

"Trust me," he says, and Deku stares at him with wide, scared eyes. Katsuki smiles reassuringly. "Have I ever tricked you?"

"Yes," Deku retorts. "There was that time in class when you said the glue was blue because it tasted like blueberries which it did _not_ , and there was that time when you said a tree was going to grow in my belly because I swallowed that apple seed, and there was—"

Katsuki covers Deku's mouth, scowls at his father's quiet laughter beside them. "Well, I wouldn't trick you about this," he says with a pout. "I wouldn't trick you about something _serious_." He crosses his arms over his chest.

"I know," Deku admits. He still looks nervous, still eyes the barber shop like it's going to jump out at him. "I just…"

Katsuki's face softens, and he grabs Deku's hand again. "Come on," he says gently, and when he takes a step forward, Deku follows.

The barber shop isn't particularly full. His father must have called ahead of time because there are two chairs pressed together. Katsuki unzips his sweater, hands it to his father, and hops into a chair. He pats the one next to him, waits for Deku to join him.

A barber puts a gown over each of them, smiles at them with that sad/pity look that Katsuki is beginning to instantly recognize and _hate_. "Who first?" the barber asks, shaking the clippers at them.

Deku shrinks in his chair even further.

Katsuki sits up straighter, makes eye contact with the barber. "Me," he says firmly, keeps a tight hold on Deku's hand. "I want it all gone."

"Kacchan, what…?" Deku gasps, looking at him with wide, shocked eyes.

Katsuki shrugs his shoulders, tries to look unconcerned. "If you lose your hair, I lose my hair," he says confidently, and he means it. It's just hair; it'll grow back, and there will be nothing to worry about. And if Deku is too scared to get it done on his own, then it is no hardship for Katsuki to get it done with him.

It still doesn't stop his belly from churning nervously, fluttering wildly when the clippers turn on. Deku squeezes his hand tightly, and it's almost enough to hurt, but Katsuki doesn't let anything show.

The first lock of hair that gets cut off falls with anticlimactic silence. It just sort of drifts, slowly, all the way down to the floor, and then more are joining it. Little by little, all of Katsuki's hair is sheared off. It makes his head feel lighter, which is funny to him because it's not like he had much hair to begin with. It also makes his head feel a little cold, which he knows will take some time to get used to.

Soon enough, he's as bald as the day he was born, and he surveys it with a critical eye.

It's just hair. It'll grow back.

He looks at Deku, who of course is blubbering in the seat next to him, and he smiles assuredly. "It doesn't hurt," he says softly.

Deku sniffles, looks at Katsuki's bald head, looks in the mirror at his own hair, and with a shuddering breath, he nods.

He cries, silently, the entire time, watches as his fluffy mess of green curls gets cut off little by little. Katsuki keeps a tight enough hold on his hand, absentmindedly starts talking quietly about all the bald heroes he knows.

When it's all over, when the last strand of hair makes it descent to the floor, Deku gives a shuddering, breathy whimper.

It's all gone.

Deku's hand shakily reaches up, touches his scalp with trembling fingers. "I d-did it," he whispers, his voice hitching and cracking. He bites his lower lip. "I did it, Kacchan."

"You did," Katsuki says. He looks at their reflections in the mirror, and he grins. "We look great! Who needs hair, anyway?"

Deku smiles weakly at him. "Y-Yeah."

His enthusiasm is lacking, but that's okay. Katsuki can work with that. He turns to his father, who is standing off to the side watching them intently. His father smiles softly at his new haircut, his eyes slightly glassy, and he hands Katsuki a plastic bag.

Katsuki grabs it greedily, peeks inside with a smile. He clears his throat, turns to Deku. "We made these," he says, pulls out the colorful squares of cloth. He hands them both to Deku. "Pick the one you like the most."

Deku stares at the cloth curiously, unfolds them. The first bandanna is jet black with a big red 'x' on it. "Is this…?"

Katsuki nods. "It's what I want for my hero costume," he mumbles, suddenly abashed by his idea. "We also made one like All Might's costume, Endeavor's flames, and this one," he grabs the last bandanna, "is my favorite."

It's green, similar to the color of Deku's eyes, and it has swirls of a brighter, more electric green all over it. "It looks amazing," Deku whispers.

Katsuki blushes; that was the one he specifically designed. "Until our hair grows back, we can wear these," he says, folds it corner to corner so that it looks like a triangle.

Deku rubs his eyes gently; they're puffier and even more swollen, but Deku is smiling a little. "You're the best," he says quietly. "I don't know what I would do without you, Kacchan."

"Your life would suck," Katsuki agrees. But he's blushing a little, and he feels inexplicably warm at Deku's words.

Deku snorts, then bursts into a fit of watery giggles. It takes him a few minutes to calm down, but when he does, he grabs the black bandanna. "I'll wear this one," he says with a nod, "because you're my hero, Kacchan. And I want the whole world to know it!"

Katsuki blushes even harder, and he grumbles under his breath because he doesn't really know what else to say.

His father helps them put the bandannas on, and Katsuki decides that he really likes Deku wearing the 'x' that will one day be a part of his costume.

Auntie Inko cries when she sees them, because of course she does, and Katsuki endures her long hug and kiss on the cheek with the grace of a King. When it's time for Deku to leave, he hugs Katsuki extra long and extra hard, and Katsuki doesn't mind it one bit.


	10. never have to do without

Chapter 10 – never have to do without

I'll be the one who hears your prayer  
Don't have to ask me, I'll be there  
I'll be the friend you'll never have to do without  
When you have nothing at all  
 **You'll still have nothing to worry about  
** Sandy Howell - Nothing At All

When they return to school, they're bombarded by their classmates. The bandanas look cool, and each of the students take turns complimenting them. Deku's is wearing Katsuki's future hero symbol and colors, and Katsuki is wearing All Might.

"Why are you wearing that?" Karin, one of Deku's other friends, asks curiously.

Katsuki scowls. She's not being mean, but Deku is still sad about the loss of his hair, and Katsuki doesn't need her reminding him of it. Surprisingly, Deku just gives her a sad smile and says, "The medicine I have to take made my hair fall out. Kacchan helped make this for me so my head doesn't get cold."

Karin's eyes widen, and she stares at Deku's bandana before looking at Katsuki's. "Why are you wearing one?" she asks the blond.

He narrows his eyes at her. "Because I feel like it," he says.

"Kacchan," Deku scolds.

Katsuki looks at him. "It's not any of her business," he points out.

Karin's lip wobbles. "I'm sorry," she says softly. Her eyes look a little wet. "I don't mean to be nosy. It's just…they look really nice…"

The blond stares at her, hard, and when he can't detect any hint of deception, he says, "I cut off my hair."

"Why would you do that?"

The small trio turn towards Takahashi, who had apparently been eavesdropping. Deku flushes and stares down at his feet, twiddling with his fingers. Katsuki knows he's remembering their fight, even though it was forever and a half ago, and he subconsciously steps in front of Deku protectively, glares at the other boy.

"He can do what he wants!" Karin defends, much to Katsuki's surprise. She glares at Takahashi. "You leave them alone, Taka!"

Takahashi scoffs. "It's just a question," he says rudely. "Why would anyone want to cut off their hair? Because of _Deku_?"

"Don't call him that," Katsuki growls out, his fists clenched tightly.

"I'm gonna tell if you keep being mean," Karin says, crosses her arms in front of her chest. "Zuzu is nice and he doesn't need you making fun of him again!"

"Tattletale," Takahashi hisses angrily.

"You're going to have to worry about a lot more than her telling if you don't leave," Katsuki warns. His fist is clenched at his side, but his eyes are full of dark promise. He doesn't want to get into a fight, but if it's for defending Deku, he'll do it.

And he won't feel too badly about it.

Takahashi hesitates, scowls, and then mumbles, "Whatever." He stomps away in a huff.

Deku tugs at Katsuki's sleeve. "I don't want you to get in trouble," he says quietly.

To Katsuki's dismay, Deku's eyes are watery.

"Taka was being mean," Karin says firmly. "He shouldn't have come here anyways!"

Katsuki finds himself agreeing with her wholeheartedly, but Deku still looks worried. "He's gone, so don't worry about it," Katsuki assures him, pats his hand. "Come on, let's go play." He starts tugging Deku away, pauses, then turns to Karin. He studies her, then says nonchalantly, "And you come too, if you want."

Her eyes light up, and she nods her head happily, starts chatting with Deku a mile a minute. It's a little annoying, how fast they're talking, but Deku looks happy, all traces of his earlier distress all melted away.

Katsuki can deal with annoying as long as it makes Deku happy.

* * *

Katsuki loves his Tae-Kwon-Do class. He uses the voucher that Auntie Inko and Deku bought him, and then his parents continue his classes. It's taken him years of hard work, dedicated training, but he's finally a black belt. His parents are proud of him, Auntie Inko and Deku are proud of him, and he's proud of himself. In honor of his achievement, they go out to dinner at his favorite restaurant.

It was supposed to be a fun night.

It had started that way. Before the hibachi show starts, Katsuki and Deku talk quietly about the new All Might merch coming out that they want. Their parents are talking about other shit that Katsuki has no interest in, so he doesn't pay them any mind. Deku never leaves his house without a bandana, but Katsuki likes it when the air hits his mostly bald head. His hair grows back at such an alarmingly quick rate that his father has learned how to shave it, but right now, he's got the equivalent to a buzzed cut, the hair no more than maybe a few centimeters long.

Here's how it starts.

As they start talking about the merch they're most excited to see, Deku gets more and more excited. He starts waving his arms around, eyes sparkling, cheeks flushed, and he absolutely gushes over the new limited edition action figure that's set to release just after his tenth birthday. He starts to look dazed, like he often does when he gets into his fanboy tirades.

But then his nose starts dripping blood.

It catches Katsuki off guard. He had been looking away, taking a drink of water, and when he turns back to Deku, who had started to speak slower and less coherently, all he can see is the blood trickling out his left nostril, down his chin.

And for a second, Katsuki is fucking useless.

He doesn't jump right into action. He stares at the blood, confused, heart racing a mile a minute, and it's like he's four years old again. He's four with a best friend that just dropped into the water in front of him, doesn't know what to do, too far away to get help, a curious white noise making his ears ring and his head get all fuzzy, and it's like he's floating and _gethelpgethelpgethelp_ —

But then he blinks and he's back in his body. He grabs a napkin as he stands, knocking over his chair, and he presses it against Deku's nose. "Deku?"

Deku's eyes are sluggish, and he's looking like it's hard to respond. "Guhhhh…" he says incoherently. The napkin gets soaked with how much blood starts coming out, and he grabs another one to press to Deku's face, pinches the bridge of Deku's nose.

"Something's wrong with Deku!" he exclaims, feels a frisson of panic starting to curl in his gut.

Their parents jump into action right away. A few exchanged words and his father is scooping Deku in his arms, the green-haired boy's head lolling weakly, and then they're all rushing out of the restaurant. All eyes are on them, murmured concerns getting higher in volume, but Katsuki can only hear that white noise in his ear again. His father puts Deku in the back of Auntie's car, and then he's slipping into the driver's seat as Auntie stays in the back with Deku.

Katsuki watches, dazed, as they drive off, tires screeching.

His mother speaks quickly with a waiter, and then she's tugging him to her car.

The ride to the hospital is silent, tense. His mother's hands grip the steering wheel tightly, white knuckles, and her turns are a little too sharp, not that Katsuki notices. He stares out the window, his heart pounding furiously in his chest, and he tucks his shaking hands under his thighs.

Deku needed him and he was…useless…

Pathetic…

 _Again_.

When they arrive at the hospital, his father is waiting outside for them. "We don't know what's going on," he says quietly.

Waiting is its own kind of agony. Katsuki finds himself completely restless, unable to sit still or stop fidgeting. The television is playing quietly in the background, some crime drama that he would normally be engrossed in. There's another family in the waiting room, full of the same nervous energy that Katsuki feels building up inside.

His parents don't offer useless platitudes, and he's grateful for that.

They're in the waiting room for three hours before a doctor enters the waiting room, expression grim, and Katsuki's heart just fucking sinks because no, that's not the face of a doctor that's had success in saving a life. That's the look of a doctor who tried, and failed.

He's even dizzier, his hands shaking, and all he can think is, "Why Deku?"

But then the doctor goes to the other family, and Katsuki can barely hear the man murmur, "I'm sorry."

And Katsuki thinks he's an utter piece of shit, because as the people in that family sob and wail and mourn whoever the fuck it is that they just lost, all Katsuki can feel is relief. Because he's not the one getting the bad news. Deku's not dead.

Not today.

He looks at his hands, head bowed, and his eyes widen in horror, realizes he still has Deku's blood all over them.

Katsuki makes it to the bathroom, but only barely. He hurls and hurls, clutching the toilet as his stomach rebels and violently heaves. And when he's done, he doesn't move, kneels in front of the toilet in a tiny hospital bathroom stall, tries to get his composure. He doesn't know how long he's there, but his knees pop when he finally stands up. He washes his face and rinses his mouth out, stares at his reflection in the mirror and feels just a tiny bit disgusted.

Auntie Inko is talking with his parents when he returns. She looks at him concerned, but there's an exhausted smile on her face. "They're going to keep him overnight," she says softly. "But he should be fine. The medicine that he's on will be causing more frequent nosebleeds, but we weren't aware that they would be quite this severe."

Katsuki swallows thickly. "Can we see him?"

Auntie Inko nods. "He's in room 715. We'll be right behind you," she says, sits so she can talk with his parents.

Deku is inconsolable. He apologizes to Katsuki over and over for ruining the celebration dinner, and it's starting to piss Katsuki off because it's not like Deku made himself sick on purpose. Still, his eyes are watery, and he looks devastated, and Katsuki doesn't really deal well with tears of any kind, least of all Deku's.

Katsuki does what he normally does. He ushers the smaller boy to one side so he can climb into the bed with Deku. Deku hiccups, freckles apparent compared to the stark pallor of his (thankfully clean) face. Katsuki pulls him into a hug, and he rubs soothing circles on Deku's back as Deku cries.

"It's okay," Katsuki murmurs. "We can celebrate another time."

Deku shakes his head. "I feel like I'm ruining everything," he confesses tearfully.

"You're not," Katsuki says. "It's not like you knew what was gonna happen. And now that we now, next time will be different."

"I'm sorry," Deku warbles out again. He clutches Katsuki's shirt tightly, trembles.

"It's okay." Katsuki will repeat it until Deku gets it through his thick head. "You're gonna be okay."

He says it over and over until Deku becomes lax in his embrace, whispers it into the bandana.

It's gonna be okay.

You're gonna be okay.

It's gonna be okay.

You're gonna be okay.

It's gonna be okay.

He's asleep not long after, tired, emotionally spent, his mouth occasionally twitching as he repeats the mantra over and over and over.

Over and over.

As long as it takes to convince himself.

* * *

The passage of time is a funny thing. For Katsuki, it feels like the years have both drug on and passed at superhuman speed.

It's Deku's thirteenth birthday today, and they're celebrating the occasion by moving his things into the hospital. Words aren't really enough to describe entirely the bone deep sadness he feels about it. It's getting harder and harder to keep the hope burning alive inside of him as Deku gets sicker and sicker.

Not that he'd say it out loud.

Katsuki is great at many things, and maybe denial is becoming one of them.

Deku's been doing okay these past few years, fighting the cancer with everything that he has. He's kept his word ten-fold, and Katsuki has been with him every step of the way. Katsuki wishes that was enough.

Lately, Deku's body has become more and more resistant to the medicines he takes religiously. He's spent quite a few overnight trips at the hospital with increasing frequency, but now…now it's time to make that his new home.

Katsuki angrily knuckles away a stray tear. He doesn't want to show Deku how sad he is, how he really feels. Deku and Auntie Inko are dealing with enough as it is.

Deku can't bring his entire bedroom, of course, but they do manage to pack a few things that will give that (empty, cold, _lifeless_ ) hospital room a more homey feel to it. There are several picture frames on the nightstand, one of Deku and Katsuki wearing their bandanas with wide smiles at the camera, one of Deku and Auntie Inko hugging, class photos, candid photos one of their parents took with the two of them none the wiser. Deku even brought a couple of All Might action figures, and one of the sketchbooks Katsuki had given him so long ago.

Deku and Katsuki both have cell phones now. Their parents say it's because they're thirteen now, responsible enough to have one, but Katsuki knows it's so that they can keep in touch now that walking a few houses down is no longer an option.

Moving doesn't take long, and his parents walk out with Auntie Inko to get lunch for everyone, shutting the door and leaving the two of them alone. Deku's room is a little big, with another bed on the other side. He has a roommate that they haven't met yet, not that Katsuki really cares to. The television is on some old All Might cartoon that Deku is excited about, but Katsuki can't really muster up the same level of happiness.

He tries to keep a brave face, but it's hard. It's so fucking hard when he's faced with the sterility of this room, these four walls, blank and white and just ready to be filled with any person available. This isn't Deku. Deku is happiness, green eyes and joy and that swooping feeling going down on a roller coaster.

He's so much more than this room, this hospital bed.

"Kacchan?" Deku's looking at him, head cocked a little to the side. He's wearing his favorite bandana, Katsuki's future hero-inspired one. It's faded now, washed out and fraying at the edges. Katsuki's offered to replace it several times, has even given Deku a new one, but Deku is stubborn, doesn't want to give away his first bandana. He studies Katsuki's face, smiles and pats the hospital bed. "Come sit with me."

Katsuki moves stiffly, almost mechanically, and he sits next to Deku on the bed. It's a tight fit, even with the handle bars down, because it's a twin-sized mattress and he's gotten quite the growth spurt over the past few years. Katsuki is still at an awkward growing stage; his voice cracks, he's got hair growing all over the place, and he's putting on muscle and gaining mass. Deku, though.

Deku is still small, thin, fragile. Sick.

"This bed is awful," Katsuki complains, squirms around. "It's so lumpy."

Deku smiles at him. "We all have our burdens to bear," he teases. He lays back, yanks Katsuki so that they're laying down side by side. "Thank you for helping me move."

Katsuki jerks his head in a parody of a nod. "I'll always help you," he says seriously, quietly.

They're silent for a few moments, and it's awkward in a way things have never been between them. He wants to fill the noise, but he doesn't know what to say.

Sorry you're going to be living in the hospital for an undetermined amount of time?

Sorry your health is worsening?

Sorry you might _die_ in this very room?

No, the silence is better.

"It's okay," Deku whispers. He smiles at Katsuki, pets the fluffy golden hair that he spent months trying to convince Katsuki to re-grow. There's a horrible understanding in his eyes, an intimate knowledge of the odds and percentages of his own survival.

Katsuki pretends not to see. He clears his too tight throat, says, "Tch, I don't know, Deku. You think you can sleep on something so uncomfortable?" He averts his gaze because he doesn't want to talk about this. He doesn't want to face this possibility, doesn't want Deku to reassure him. If anything, that's Katsuki's job.

He's failing at it.

But Deku gets it, because he's smart like that. The green-haired boy just snuggles closer until there's only an inch of space between them. "I'm not done fighting," he says quietly.

Katsuki bites the inside of his cheek. "I know," he says quickly.

Deku nods solemnly, purses his lips. "Then why are you acting like I've already lost?" The hurt in his voice is unmistakable.

Katsuki flinches almost violently, eyes wide in shock. The other boy should have just punched him in the face; it would have been less painful. "I'm not!" he protests, but his voice is weak.

"You can hardly stand to look at me, Kacchan. Ever since I told you the doctors want me to live here, you've been weird, quiet, will barely say anything to me." Deku's eyes are a little shiny, a little glossy, and it makes Katsuki feel like shit.

He hates making Deku cry.

His lip trembles as he fights to keep his own emotions in check. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to be sorry, I want you to _stop,_ " Deku croaks out. "I…you're one of the reasons why I keep _fighting_ , Kacchan. I wouldn't be able to do half of the shit I need to if you weren't by my side. And I'm sorry because it's not fair to put all of that on you, but that's how I feel. I can't lean on my mother for strength when she can barely keep herself together. But you? You've always been so _strong_ , so capable, and if you give up on me, I don't…" He trails off, looks like he's five again, lost, helpless, looking at Katsuki to make things better.

Katsuki pulls him into his arms, squeezes him tightly, cries silently into Deku's bandana. Deku clings to him, and the silence that fills the room is no longer stifled. It's sad, yeah, but there's a hope to it that got lost somewhere in the move. "You're my best friend," Katsuki murmurs. "I'm sorry I haven't been acting like it."

Deku lets out a watery chuckle. "Don't be stupid, Kacchan." He sniffles, pulls away a little. "I'm the one that's sorry. I'm putting all of this on you, and it's not fair. You deserve better."

Katsuki shakes his head gently. "You're my best friend," he repeats. "No matter how hard it gets, for better or worse, remember?" He hooks their pinky fingers together.

"I'm pretty sure those are wedding vows, Kacchan."

Katsuki shrugs, unconcerned. "All best friends are a little married," he points out.

Deku opens his mouth to argue, thinks about it, then shrugs. "Yeah, I guess we are."

The door slams open, startling them. There's a surly looking teenager in the doorway, dressed in hospital pajamas, hat haphazardly placed upon his head. When he catches sight of them, he scowls furiously. His steel blue eyes look them over, and then he's turning his head away in an obvious dismissal that has Katsuki bristling like a wet cat. The other teen stomps over to the empty bed and throws himself on it, yanking the curtains closed with a loud screech.

Katsuki looks at Deku, says, "I think your roommate is gonna be a dick."

Deku brings a finger to his lips, shushes him. "He could just be having a bad day," he whispers.

"So that means he can just give us evil eyes?" Katsuki asks incredulously.

"Maybe he'll be in a better mood tomorrow," Deku suggests, shrugs a little helplessly.

Katsuki scoffs. "If he's not, I'll poke his eyes out."

" _Kacchan_!" Despite the admonishment, Deku giggles softly. It's like a little light switch goes off in Katsuki's head, and he stares at Deku with no small amount of amazement, drinks in the sweet sounds of Deku's laughter, awestruck.

He blushes furiously when he realizes he's been giving googly eyes at his best friend, clears his throat and focuses on that cheesy cartoon on the television. "L-Let's just…watch…" he stammers out. And because karma or something out there hates him, his voice cracks.

There's not so muffled laughter on the other side of the curtain, and Katsuki wants nothing more than to explode Deku's roommate into his next life.

"We come bearing gifts!" his mother says as she walks into the room, bags of food in both hands. She grins widely, unaware that she just saved Katsuki from homicide charges.

Auntie Inko is giggling a little from behind her, looking exhausted and sad but more put together than this morning. Her eyes are no longer bloodshot, red, the swelling is down.

"Thank you," Deku says sweetly, smiling.

Katsuki coughs, sits up. "Finally," he grumbles. "I'm starving."

His mother takes offense to that, like he knew she would, and they start arguing, a familiar banter that always puts a smile on Deku and Auntie Inko's faces. It also takes Katsuki's mind off of the new somersaults his stomach does when Deku does something as simple as _laughing_.


	11. let me be your hero

Chapter 11 – let me be your hero

Let me be your hero  
( **I** **'ll carry you through** )  
Let me be your hero  
(I'll lay it all down for you)  
Mike Mains – Hero

Deku's roommate, Haru, is a fucking dick.

Katsuki can't stand that smarmy son of a bitch, wants to choke him sometimes. Haru reminds Katsuki of Deku in the beginning when he first found out he had cancer, how he cried a lot, how he sometimes got angry, how he sometimes drowned in his hopelessness. Deku's roommate is like that, but without the sadness.

Every time Katsuki visits Deku, which is just about every single day, Haru has some snarky comment, some snide remark that Katsuki is just barely able to stop himself from responding to. According to Deku, punching cancer patients is frowned upon, regardless of whether or not the guy is a bag of dicks.

("We don't even know he has cancer," Katsuki points out.

"We're in the _oncology_ ward, Kacchan!")

The thing is, Katsuki doesn't care if some fucking extra talks shit about him. This prick isn't any different from the extras he has to deal with at school. What's a little more adversity on his journey to becoming a hero? Katsuki's strong; he can take it.

But Deku doesn't deserve this shit. Every time Haru opens his fucking mouth and says something derisive, something in Deku wilts. His green eyes don't sparkle as brightly, and Katsuki is one comment away from flipping his shit.

"Do you have any twos?" Deku asks, chewing his lip as he focuses on his cards.

Katsuki snarls as he hands his cards over. "Fucker!"

Deku giggles, an evil little chuckle that has Katsuki's stomach doing some interesting acrobatics. "This is fun," he says serenely.

Yeah, probably because the nerd is actually fucking winning.

Their game is interrupted when The Dick enters the room, practically stomping over to his side. He stares at their cards and sneers. "What are you, five?"

It takes control he didn't know he had to not explode the cards in his hand. "Fuck off, extra," he snarls.

Deku's hand reaches out to grasp Katsuki's, and it has its intended effect of calming him down.

The Dick sees the hand and his sneer deepens. "Pathetic," he says just before he yanks the curtains shut.

That's it.

Katsuki's gonna kill a bitch tonight.

"Don't," Deku says, clutching onto Katsuki's sleeve.

"He's asking for it, Deku!"

"Kacchan, no!" With a surprising amount of strength, Deku pulls on Katsuki's arm until Katsuki stumbles onto the bed, knocking their cards everywhere. "It's okay, Kacchan. He's just… going through some stuff right now."

"That doesn't give him the right to treat you like shit," Katsuki argues. But Deku starts to rub soothing circles on his arm, and it's really unfair how the tension and anger just seems to melt away underneath Deku's touch.

"No, it doesn't." Deku shrugs. "But I don't want you to get in trouble. It's nothing I can't handle, honest."

Katsuki opens his mouth to answer, but then Deku's hand reaches his head and starts to scratch. Seriously, it's unreal how a simple touch can make him go damn near boneless. "Just because you can handle it doesn't mean you should," Katsuki says, but he doesn't try to get up again. He moves his head so Deku can scratch everywhere, and the sensation is enough to make him sleepy.

Deku giggles. "Kitty Kacchan," he teases.

"Damn it, Deku, I'm a fucking lion."

* * *

"Hey Deku, you might want to turn down the volume," Katsuki says as he walks into Deku's room. "I could hear All Might laughing all the way down… the… hall…" He stops abruptly, his jaw open as he takes in the scene in front of him.

Deku looks livelier than he has in days, his favorite bandana wrapped around his head, his green eyes shining as he waves his arms around. Seated in the chair next to him is none other than All Might. The Number One hero is in his costume, his bulging muscles stretching the fabric to its very limits. Katsuki has to pinch himself to make sure he's not dreaming, and when the image of All Might doesn't leave, he quietly steps out of the room and pops his head back in the doorway.

Nope, All Might is still there.

 _Why_ is All Might there?

They don't hear him, too engrossed in their conversation, and Katsuki is so stunned to see All Might again, here, in Deku's hospital room, that he doesn't think to make his presence known.

"—really know your stuff, Midoriya-shounen," All Might is saying, his booming laugh echoing throughout the room.

"I just… I've been such a huge fan for forever!" Deku chokes out. He sniffles like the soft fucking sap that he is, and Katsuki shakes his head to himself, a warm fondness enveloping him. "Seriously, you've been such a huge inspiration for me! I really admire how you never give up, and how you always save someone with a fearless smile on your face." Another sniffle. "You know, Kacchan and I used to watch all of your fights. We wanted more than anything to be heroes and follow in your footsteps, and one day, Kacchan is going to be great."

The air sours, heavy with the unspoken acknowledgment that Deku obviously can't be a hero. Not anymore, if he ever stood a chance in the first place.

"Midoriya-shounen," All Might starts, his voice somber and soft in a way that contradicts his very loud personality.

"And if anyone deserves to be a hero, it's Kacchan. After all, he saved me," Deku says.

He says it as if the idea that Katsuki can't make it as a pro hero is simply unfathomable. It's that kind of unshakable conviction that leaves Katsuki breathless, that makes Katsuki want to blow up at the world because, damn it, Deku is supposed to be right by his side. They're supposed to be doing this _together_.

"…you remind me of someone," All Might says. He's so quiet that Katsuki has to strain his ears to eavesdrop properly. "She was… she was amazing. I regret not having as much time with her as I could have."

Katsuki startles as someone brushes past him. The man pays him no mind as he walks into Deku's room and says, "All Might, there are still a couple of floors to visit."

All Might clears his throat. "Of course, of course," he says.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to monopolize your time!"

"You did no such thing, Midoriya-shounen." All Might laughs, and it lifts the heavy mood in the air. "This visit has been wonderful, truly. Would you… Would you mind if I visited again?"

Deku gasps, and then he's sobbing his consent, warbling something happily between his tears. "I would be honored!" he says, his voice thick with tears. "But I wouldn't want to trouble you."

"It's no trouble at all, Midoriya-shounen. In fact, it will be my honor."

Katsuki quickly ducks into the attached bathroom as All Might makes his way out of Deku's room. As much as he'd love to talk to All Might again, he doesn't want to take away Deku's moment to shine. And besides, he still remembers when All Might signed his sketchbooks. He doesn't need anything else.

Katsuki waits a few minutes, and once he's sure All Might is gone, he strolls into Deku's room. "Hey, nerd."

"Kacchan, you won't believe what happened to me today!"

* * *

Katsuki lets out a curse as he runs, ducking and weaving in between the crowd. He spent too long studying in the library, and now he's late. Since exams are coming up, his parents have limited the amount of time he can go to the hospital and hang out with Deku. It wouldn't be such a big deal since they have phones and text on a very regular, daily basis, but Deku is undergoing surgery in the next few days, and Katsuki wants to be with him in person, show his support, maybe even calm Deku's fears down a little.

And his, if he's being truthful. The thought of surgery honestly makes Katsuki feel a little shaky, a little queasy, and he hates it. It's a bone marrow transplant, and the doctors are very optimistic about the results, but all Katsuki can see when he closes his eyes sometimes is Deku lying in a hospital bed, pale, grey, unnaturally still.

Dead.

He doesn't tell anyone about the nightmares that he has, although he's sure his parents must know. They're irritatingly perceptive at times.

And, of course, now they're going to have even _less_ time together because Katsuki can't manage his own damn time.

He lets out a vicious curse as he crashes into someone, sending them sprawling to the ground with a gasp. Part of him wants to keep running so he can get to Deku as fast as possible, but then he thinks of Deku finding out and giving him such sad, disappointed eyes.

The man he'd knocked to the ground is skeletal, emaciated, with deep bags under his eyes and a wild mane of blond hair. Nothing really prepares Katsuki for the skinny man to start coughing up blood.

"Shit, are you okay, old man?" he asks, reaching into his bag to shove some napkins at the blond. Experience dealing with Deku's random nosebleeds is the only thing that saves the man's white shirt from being stained. "Do you need me to call someone?"

"I'm fine," the man coughs out, accepting the napkins gratefully.

Katsuki eyes him skeptically. "If you say so," he says. He extends a hand to help the man up.

"Thank you." The man sounds tired as he wipes the blood from his mouth.

Katsuki shrugs uncomfortably. "It was my bad," he mutters. "I was in a hurry and didn't see where I was going."

The man waves him off. "Not a problem," he says. He offers Katsuki a small smile. "You'd better be off, then. Wouldn't want to knock over anyone else, would we?"

Katsuki nearly rolls his eyes. "If you're alright, then I'll take my leave." He gives a half-hearted bow and starts to walk away.

Because life likes to kick people in the teeth when they're down, the ground chooses that very moment to shake ominously. Katsuki has only a few seconds to curse his luck before the windows of a nearby building shatter, spraying the ground with shards of glass. There are screams of panic as pedestrians and citizens run for cover unsteadily as the ground continues to shake.

Earthquake?

He hears bubbling, gurgling laughter, and Katsuki's eyes are drawn to the mass of… sludge? It's an odd sight to see, and even odder is the person in the middle of the viscous goop that the villain's body is made out of. Wait, hold on a second… Katsuki squints at the familiar face, and when he realizes who the villain has in his grasp, he nearly stumbles backwards in shock.

It's Takahashi.

After their falling out in pre-school, he hasn't paid much attention to the other boy. Even when Deku stopped being able to go to school, Katsuki preferred to spend his breaks alone, glaring at anybody that dared to try to get any closer, not that many people tried after the first week of middle school.

Still, he's not expecting to see someone he personally knows in the hands of a villain. There are already heroes arriving on scene; Death Arms and Kamui Woods try their best to secure the hostage, but the villain's body isn't something they're equipped to deal with.

Katsuki should leave.

He should run to the hospital to spend as much time as he can with Deku.

But something keeps him standing in place, watching as the heroes, after a few more attempts, stand back and decide to focus on containment. They're no closer to rescuing Takahashi, and Takahashi's own quirk, Earthquake, isn't helping the situation. The ground continues to shake, and the surrounding buildings are crumbling with the force of the seismic waves. Takahashi is screaming wordlessly, the sound distorted by the sludge villain.

It's complete chaos. People are bleeding on the ground, shards of glass protruding from their bodies. The heroes are trying to direct the panicked crowd to safety, but there are too many people and not enough heroes.

And in the midst of all of this chaos, Takahashi's quirk is getting more out of control. His struggles get weaker.

He's going to die.

The emaciated man coughs up even more blood, and Katsuki's red gaze surveys the area. His eyes catch sight of one building that doesn't move. Takahashi's quirk must not have a particularly large range quite yet; although, if he doesn't stop using his quirk, nature will undoubtedly take over and finish the job.

"Can you make it over to that building?" Katsuki demands, pointing to it.

The blond man glances at it, his brows furrowed. "Yes, but what are you—"

But there isn't enough time to appease this man. Lifting his hand in the air, Katsuki blasts an explosion that draws a lot of the attention to him. He points at the sturdy building. "Get to the side of that building and hold tight!" he commands. "Grab any wounded you can and get to safety!"

He starts walking towards Takahashi, but the blond man grabs his hand. His grip is surprisingly strong, solid. "Young man, you can't possibly—"

Katsuki rips his arm away and glares at the man. "Somebody has to do _something_!" Before the man can interrupt him again, Katsuki breaks into a run towards Takahashi. He yells over his shoulder, "Get to safety, old man!"

He's probably going to get in big trouble for this, but Katsuki's vision narrows until all he can focus on is a singular goal: get Takahashi.

He thrusts his arms behind him and uses his explosions to propel himself forward. The heroes are yelling at him, but he's not listening to them. "Takahashi!" he bellows, drawing the boy's attention.

Takahashi's eyes are wide and wet, streaming tears. He tries to say something, but there's sludge in his mouth, and all Katsuki can hear besides the wind rushing past him and the pounding of his own heart is the gurgling laughter of the villain.

Katsuki is right in front of Takahashi and he dives his still hot hand into the body of the villain, who hisses as steam develops. He grasps Takahashi's arm as tight as he can and aims a hand in front of him, right next to the villain's face. Wasting no time, Katsuki pops off an explosion.

The force of it sends him flying backwards. His grip on Takahashi is iron-clad, but the sludge villain's hold is equally tight, and Katsuki pops off another explosion before a tug-o-war can ensue.

It works. Katsuki and Takahashi are ripped from the sludge villain with immense force. With a curse, Katsuki tries to get his bearings, but they're going too fast, the world spinning too hard. When they crash, Katsuki thinks it's against a wall, but then there's a hand grabbing his and Takahashi's hands.

"DETROIT SMASH!"

Katsuki has no time to wrap his head around everything. There's a strong gust of wind, and it feels like he's being sucked into a hurricane. When it's all over, he collapses onto the ground with a grunt. Takahashi is next to him, crying and shaking and coughing up sludge.

Katsuki turns to him. "…you okay?" he asks. It's a little awkward, asking after his well-being after having so much animosity between them.

Takahashi glances at him, teary-eyed and cheeks flushed. "Why did you save me?" His voice is raspy, no doubt from the sludge he'd inhaled.

Katsuki stands up. "Because you needed help." He hesitates, but then he offers a hand.

Takahashi stares at it for a few minutes, but then he takes it. "Thank you," he says quietly.

Katsuki nods his head. "Don't mention it." He glances at his watch. If he takes off right now, he can still spend time with Deku tonight.

"You!" Katsuki turns around to see Death Arms and Kamui Woods stalking towards him. "What were you thinking, kid? You could have gotten hurt or killed! That was incredibly reckless of you, not to mention illegal!"

Katsuki narrows his eyes. "Was I supposed to watch him die like you were?" he sneers.

Both pros flinch, taken aback. "We… we weren't—"

"You were," Katsuki cuts in harshly. He glares daggers at them, unable to contain his rage. "What I did was illegal, so I'll take responsibility for that. But you're both supposed to be pro heroes, and instead of helping Takahashi, you were watching him die. You stood back and you were doing _NOTHING_!" His voice gets louder and louder until he finally screams. "How much longer do you think he could have held on?"

"Kid, that's—"

"What would you have told his fathers when their kid never came home?" Perhaps it's a bit cruel to tear so viciously into these heroes, but Katsuki doesn't care. Not now, not after seeing Takahashi almost die in front of him.

Kamui Woods flinches as if struck.

It's All Might that puts a stop to it. "That's enough," he says quietly.

Katsuki turns to him. "Is it?" He cocks his head. "They're heroes. We put our faith in them because they have the training and qualifications to rescue people. They barely even tried to save him."

Nobody really has anything to say to that. A glance behind the heroes shows the crowd. There's a reporter listening to and recording the dressing down he's giving these grown men, and he scoffs, shaking his head. Unbelievable.

His phone buzzes. Katsuki fishes it out and curses.

 _KACCHAN, YOU'RE ON TV!_

 _KACCHAN, IS TAKAHASHI OKAY?_

 _KACCHAN, ARE YOU OKAY?_

 _Kacchan, call me as soon as you can._

If Deku knows what he did, his parents do as well. Damn it all.

"You should get checked out by a medic," All Might suggests.

Normally, Katsuki would listen to anything All Might said. "I'm not hurt," Katsuki says. "Can I just give my statement? I have somewhere I need to be."

But Katsuki's late for meeting Deku, and not even All Might can deter him for much longer.


End file.
